How I Spent Ava's First Day of School.

First and foremost, her first day was not today, but last Wednesday. Circumstances around here lately have been such to where I have wanted to unplug and hide under a rock, rather than put myself out there, but it always seems that when I have that reaction to life, I'm more in need of support and channeling my feelings through my writing than ever, and so here it goes.

I imagined myself spending Ava's first day of preschool in grand style: a relaxing pedicure, reading a book without interruption, blogging to the sounds of peace and quiet, coffee with friends, you name it. I planned to feel nothing short of elation. Instead, I spent the morning a way I never would have imagined: having a mass in my breast examined by my OB/GYN. 

When I realized that I would be spending my first morning childless that way, I thought for sure that my doctor would tell me I'm a hypochondriac and need to turn off Parenthood. As embarrassing as that surely would have been, I would have much preferred that to the look of alarm on his face and the calling in of two other associates to - ultimately - feel me up with the same look of alarm. Moreover, I was completely unprepared for the referral to get a mammogram and breast ultrasound STAT and for my doctor to call in a referral to a surgeon himself. Trembling, I took my handfuls of paperwork and instructions, and sat in my car attempting to breathe. And, equally unexpected, I felt lonely without Ava.

Since then, I'm happy to report a handful of things. 

-I've had my mammogram and ultrasound, and ladies, it wasn't nearly as bad as you think when you think of complete breast compression, Then again, I'm not working with the double D's I dreamed of as a pre-pubescent girl, so maybe that's why. Either way, when your time comes, relax. 

-Though the ultrasound and mammogram tech kept pretty mum on the results (why do they do that? What is your job if you can't tell me what you see?!), saying instead to wait to hear from my doctor, she did make it sound like it wasn't cancer. Fingers crossed. 

-I have an appointment with the surgeon next week (also while Ava is at preschool), so if it is a worse case scenario, we're being very proactive in taking care of it.

-Most importantly, Ava had a fabulous day at school. In fact, though she teared up a bit initially when I dropped her off and went to leave, she told me later that day that she "can't wait to go back to school" and has had us reading her My First Day of Nursery School book repeatedly in anticipation! Needless to say, she loved Plug & Play just as much as I do and knew she would, and I cannot say enough good things about the staff and the facility. A more detailed post to come about her school days, but in short, we're so happy with our decision to send her both to school and to school at Plug & Play!

I'll keep y'all posted on what we find out, but in the meantime, posts may be short and sweet while I attempt to navigate a myriad of doctors and take care of myself, too. 

Also? Don't neglect your self-exams, ladies. Being proactive in mine, and in tune with my body, very well could have brought this to our attention in plenty of time, and could easily save your life.