Five Things I Learned at Bloggy Boot Camp This Weekend!

As you may have known, I spent the past weekend in Dallas with two of my fellow Austin Bloggers members (Melissa at Domestic Engineering, and Leigh Ann of Genie in a Blog). While a more in-depth post is to come later - once I've caught up with all that I missed in my first overnight trip away from Ava and found time to sort through my thoughts on all that I learned at BBC Dallas - here are five things I learned at Bloggy Boot Camp this weekend:

1. I apparently like to take pictures of my food:

2. Brunettes outnumber blondes in the blogging community...

3. I'm socially awkward. This comes as little surprise, but it is hard for me to come up with things to talk about with fellow bloggers, despite that we obviously have something in common right off the bat.

4. Traveling with people you don't know very well can make for a surprisingly fun time. I had some great convos with the girls I was staying with, and was happy to have roommates - a pleasant surprise!

5. I'm not the low-maintenance under-packer that I think I am...oops!

(Yes, that shit is all mine, all for a 48 hour period.)

And, for a bonus, Dallas is actually kind of a cool place. Who knew?

A less BS post to come with a handful of things I actually learned at Bloggy Boot Camp Dallas and pictures of more than just my dirty clothes on the floor....

Dallas, Here I Come!

This weekend, I'll be attending the infamous day-long blogging conference, Bloggy Boot Camp, in Dallas. While I'm excited to have it take place in a nearby city, Dallas is still a good 3-3.5 hours away, meaning that I'll be staying overnight both nights.

I'd be lying to say I wasn't looking forward to going. The thought of adult company, meeting and connecting with people I only know online, making new friends and having the chance to learn things that will not only better my blog, but my writing and freelance work as well, all sounds like a blast. But...

It'll be my first ever time away from Ava. Ever. 

I mean, sure, I've spent a few hours here and there away from her, but the longest stretch ever was during my bachelorette party - and I was gone from about 11am until after dinner, when my lame self trekked it back home because I apparently can't do both day and night drinking these days. Anyhow, I've never been away from her overnight. And I'm a little bit freaking out about it.

It's not that I don't trust my husband. In fact, he's definitely the more cautious of the two of us, since I've adopted a laidback attitude about parenting that's come from years of working with children on a daily basis. I just feel so scared and worried and anxious that something bad could happen, especially with him driving three hours each way to his parents with her (!!!), and that I'll never see her again.

Ridiculous, I know. So was the fact that I used to stay awake night after night monitoring her breathing, when it comes down to it. But I'm afraid of little as a parent except losing my child, and that fear is taking over right now.

I really kicked around canceling my trip to stay at home. But then I thought more and more about it, and that's ridiculous. I didn't go to the first conveniently located bloggy boot camp two years ago because I didn't want to leave Ava - and it was in Austin! I just would've been gone for one day. And now, of course, I'm wishing I would have gone then, so I'd have some modicum of comfort with the situation now. So I'm pushing out of my comfort zone, trusting in my husband and having faith that all will be ok (knock on wood!!!), and biting the bullet: I'm packing up my car, picking up some other local bloggers (shout out to Leigh Ann and Melissa - woot!), and heading to Bloggy Boot Camp for the weekend! Dallas, here I come!

Any advice for a mama leaving her baby 2.5 year old for the first time? Are these feelings normal? Am I insane (a question likely better left unanswered)?!?

(Also, I feel like I should clarify since this makes me sound like an insane, hovering, anxiety-ridden mama, which I am generally not. In fact, I'm usually quite the opposite, sitting back and letting Ava do her own thing and following her lead. Just so you first-timers reading this don't think I'm, well, crazier than I really am. Which is still pretty crazy.)

Guess Who's Going to Bloggy Boot Camp Dallas?!

Yeah, that'd be me. Definitely not the most difficult guessing game, now, was it?

A couple years back, I tossed around the idea of attending Bloggy Boot Camp in Austin, but was unable to come up with both the time and the money then. I've regretted missing it ever since, though, having heard so many positive things, and so when I heard that the SITS girls would be heading back to Texas this coming September, I knew I had to go!

Though they won't be in Austin this time around (aw, shucks!), they will be heading North of our capital city to the Big D, and so myself and several other area bloggers are planning to head the three hours up IH-35 to attend! 

I'm looking so forward to the opportunity to attend and hear from some amazing speakers, including the lovely Holly Homer from June Cleaver Nirvana, as well as Kathy Bouska from Mama's Losin It and many others! I'm equally looking forward to connecting in person with bloggers/writers that I have only previously known on the internet, and making some great new friendships!

Speaking of, I connect with several of you on a regular basis in the Dallas area, and would absolutely love to meet you, whether you'll be attending the one-day conference as well or not. I'm hoping to be in town Friday through Sunday, though that depends significantly on whether or not I can secure sponsorship, but I would love to meet some of you if you'd like!

If you're interested in attending Bloggy Boot Camp, either in Dallas or otherwise, click here for information on tickets, locations, and how you can benefit!

What I Have Learned.

What I Have Learned (Sometimes the Hard Way)

I have been married for 17 years to my high school sweetheart. This December, we will celebrate the 25th anniversary of our first date. And yes, for those of you doing the math, Reagan was president.

Most of those years have been very happy and I feel very blessed by this man and this marriage. Over the years, I think I have learned a thing or two.

Lesson #1: Listening is different than being quiet when the other is speaking. My husband is a terrible listener. God love him, if he is distracted at all, he has probably only processed 10-20% of what I’ve said. Unfortunately, his way of dealing with this is to nod and say, “okay.” So to save our marriage, we have had to come to an understanding. I do not share important things in passing. If it is something that I need him to care about, I choose my moment and make sure that I have his full attention. I also ask more than yes/no questions so that I can discern if he has heard me. Also, if it is an event, I reinforce it in writing. We share a Google calendar and I try to give non-naggy reminders. (Notice I said “try”.)

Lesson #2: Sometimes the advice your parents gave you is true. You know all the adages – “God gave, you two ears and one mouth, use accordingly”, “Don’t go to bed angry”, etc. These are true, true, true! I especially believe in “Don’t go to bed angry”.

Lesson#3: Sometimes the advice you get from parents, friends, family, co-workers, and anyone willing is share is not true. Or at least not right for you. Just because your best friend was successful using the silent treatment doesn’t mean that you will be. Just because your mother-in-law wanted a model home quality house wherein she did everything for everyone (including your now-husband) does not mean that is what is right for you. Take advice with respect to the good intentions but with enough cynicism to realize that every relationship is different and only you and your partner really know what works in your home.

Lesson #4: Say thank you a lot. Say please. Use your manners. If you wouldn’t speak like that to a stranger, don’t speak that way to the one you love.

Lesson #5: It will be harder than you think. My husband and I have survived a lot. My brother died tragically our first year of marriage. He was deployed to Iraq. I was hospitalized with each pregnancy. He has been laid off. No gift registry can immunize you against tragedy. Rough times will come but if you choose to come together rather than move apart, you will gain the grit and resolve that lasts the years.

Lesson #6: It will be more worthwhile than you can imagine. No success in my life will ever bring the joy and fulfillment that making a life and family with my husband has. Yes, it is work; some days more than others. But I love this man more today than on my wedding day. He simply makes my world better.

Lesson #7: You cannot tell your partner you love them too often.

I think the last matters most. Never assume they know. We all like to hear it. There is no magic for staying in love but the Golden Rule is a good place to start. Make the other person feel how you’d like to feel and you will go a long way to keeping those home fires burning.

Good luck to you, and all those brave enough to commit your lives to another. May you have more happy days than sad and more kind words than mad. And may God bless and keep you through the years.

Traci Shannon blogs over at A Star in My Own Universe. She describes herself as a slightly weird, very sentimental, out-of-work actress in love with her husband and two kids trying to find herself in the life that happened while she was busy making plans.

Marriage is Forever.

I am so grateful to have the wonderful Missy from Wonder, Friend guest posting for me with her advice and realizations about marriage. Missy Stevens is a freelance writer and blogger based in Austin, TX. By day/night/weekend/holiday, she is also a wife and mom. Missy writes once a week or so on her blog, Wonder, Friend, where she ponders family, fitness, writing, and a whole lot of miscellaneous stuff. She'd love to connect with you on Twitter and Facebook, too.


About two weeks after my – I mean our – first wedding anniversary, I woke up one morning and looked over at my peacefully sleeping husband, and I thought...

Oh, man, this thing really is permanent.

I have to share this bed, and everything else, with this man for the rest of our lives.

We've survived the first year, completely in tact and happy. But now what? We're supposed to just keep going, like forever?

Forever is a long time. A very, very long time.

I know. You're all thinking, what is wrong with this woman? Is this any way to start a story in honor of B's upcoming wedding?

Yes, it is. Stick with me, and you'll see.

Mark and I were young when we got married. In fact, when I hear about 23 and 24 year old people getting married, I am always tempted to shout, “You're way too young! What are you thinking?”

And then I remember how old I was when I walked down that aisle. I wasn't old at all, as a matter of fact.

I didn't know one thing about real life. Sure, I'd rented a couple of apartments by then. Paid some bills. Done my taxes. (That's a lie. My dad did them for me.) I lived by myself. Sort of. Mark traveled all week, so he was only in the apartment on weekends, during which time he slept on the couch. (That's another lie.)

So I knew a few things about being a grown up, but in general I was still a kid. And so was Mark. We knew this, though. We were not delusional, thinking we had it all figured out. While we didn't know exactly what we didn't know, we were certain there was a lot of it. Follow that?

We considered the situation, though, and decided we had two choices:

1. Postpone marriage because everyone else said we were too young, maybe even break up for a while, try dating other people, and end up back together eventually.

2. Get married and give each other the grace – and the space – to grow up along the way.

And to all the people who thought we were crazy? Joke's on you, suckers.

Because here's the thing about marriage. It's not about the wedding (although that is an amazingly fun day, and you should revel in every second of it). It's not about being happy all the time. It's not about babies or vacations or buying a house.

Marriage is also not about the hard days. The days when you wake up, see that peacefully sleeping person, and get a pit in your stomach when the force of forever hits you. And also because, why wouldn't he be sleeping peacefully over there, with all the covers and one of your pillows?

Marriage isn't that simple. It can't be summed up in good days or bad.

Marriage is a forever thing. It's being present for the highs and the lows. It's knowing that whatever is going on today, whether your life seems like a musical or you just want to throw a box of cereal at your beloved (I never did that. Okay, that's another lie.), that it's all okay.

So be happy. Be really, really happy. But allow yourselves to be sad, and mad. Throw cereal now and then – but not more than once every 15 years (woo hoo – I'm due for another tantrum). Lie in bed at night and dream together of all the good; but don't be surprised when sometimes the last place you want to be is in bed together.

Give each other a little space, and a lot of grace. Talk often, be honest, let yourselves argue now and then. But don't forget to laugh at yourselves, too. Before you know it, you'll be back to the happy little musical theater version of your life.

B, I wish you and D a lifetime of everything. I wish you the greatest joys, and the strength to weather the greatest pains. I wish you the kind of love that sees you through it all. I wish you forever.

Always Kiss Goodnight.

Priscilla writes at and is also known as The Wheelchair Mommy. She has 4 boys (3 if you don't count her husband!) and is a happy stay at home mommy. She has been married over nine years.

I know it sounds cliche' but it's true, and so important. It's the one piece of advice I ALWAYS give to new couples.

ALWAYS KISS GOODNIGHT!

 

[caption id="attachment_4881" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Photo credits: The Wheelchair Mommy"][/caption]

 

 

No matter what, even if you hate your spouse with every ounce of your being that night. KISS. It can be a quick peck or a deep romantic, beautiful, lingering kiss. Just never forget.

I just celebrated my ninth anniversary in December and we still follow this rule.  The only time we don't kiss? When one of us is sick, of course. In sickness and in health does have it's limits!

Why is this important?! Intimacy. We all have such busy lives with work, kids and other responsibilities that we sometimes forget to slow down and just make time for each other. If nothing else, have this one little bitty thing, every night.

I have no hesitation when I say this, kissing goodnight, every night, has been an important part of making my marriage the happy marriage it still is today.

Advice to a Newlywed.

Sometimes, I’d like to kill him. That’s the truth. When we argue, my stomach turns in knots and it feels like I am clawing out from the inside, and I want to escape. The closeness, the reality, the expectations… it’s all too much, at times. I yearn to run away, temporarily.

But then the morning comes, and the vestiges of that argument is washed away watching him sleep as I get up with our son. And when our son says, “Daddy, I yuv you” and I see the love reflected in my husband’s eyes, I melt inside. I don’t want to be anyplace else in the world.

His arms are my sanctuary; his back is strong even though he carries all three of us. My husband is the chicken and our family is the egg. It is overwhelming, knowing that you have pledged your life to this person and you are committed. The irony should not be lost on you that “committed” may sometimes remind you of a relationship and sometimes an insane asylum.

If you remember that, your arguments will be short-lived and you will stay on the same path. Remember that love is a VERB. Real love takes work, and you must remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place. What is it that you love about him? How did you arrive at this stop on your life journey?

There are many reasons my first marriage failed, including our own respective family histories. His parents divorced when he was 2, and he never had a strong model for a family unit. Every argument meant that he had one foot out the door, and our relationship balanced precariously on a seesaw. That became my new normal, and combined with my own family history of parents who had been married for over 30 years at that point, I thought that love meant that you stick it out, no matter what. There is a balance somewhere in there.

Divorce sucks, no matter what the reason is. For the salvation of yourself as well as your relationship, do everything you can to be present in your marriage, and seek help if you need to. There is no shame in finding a professional counselor when you’ve hit a wall. It happens. Remember that you have many years to go in your own journey, and you have much growing to do, along with your marriage, and your daughter. Your marriage will change as she grows as well, and each stage of life will bring new challenges.

Meet those challenges head on, with the knowledge that this is your family, and they have your back. Create your own set of rules that works for you. For instance, “Don’t go to bed angry” never worked that well for me but “Get over it and move on in the morning” works perfectly. Our arguments flare and flame out quickly. We say “I’m sorry” and mean it. We show each other a great deal of affection and respect, and we try to fight fair (it’s a learning process).

Have faith in faith. And in each other. And in this beautiful life you are creating, three souls woven together. Love, patience, and respect will carry you a long way. Always remember to show how much you love him and you’ll find that the tough times will be a little easier to take.

Best wishes, B! I am so happy for you and wish for you a lifetime of love.

Kristin is a mother of a sweet 2-year-old boy and wife to a fantastic 6th-generation Texan, living in Austin, Texas. Loves: her baby boy, airplanes, airports, classic cars, sports, Italy, and dessert; not necessarily in that order. You can reach her via Twitter @AustinKVS or via her blog, Two Cannoli

Starting Next Week...

Starting next Wednesday, I'll be taking a brief hiatus so that I can tie up a bunch of loose ends and take care of some last minute wedding planning and preparation before our big day. As such, I'm having a group of amazing Austin bloggers (and just some all around lovely ladies!) that are going to be guest posting for the week leading up to our wedding on the topic of - what else? - marriage!

I'd love for you all to tune in and read what they have to say. It's a diverse group - some have been married only a year or two, some over ten years, all with wonderful things to say and great advice to send me off into marriage with!
These ladies are wise beyond their years and know so much, I'm pretty sure
some should become a counselor.

In the meantime, I'm out getting my bachelorette on over this weekend - pics and stories to come Monday!