I'd be lying to say I wasn't looking forward to going. The thought of adult company, meeting and connecting with people I only know online, making new friends and having the chance to learn things that will not only better my blog, but my writing and freelance work as well, all sounds like a blast. But...
It'll be my first ever time away from Ava. Ever.
I mean, sure, I've spent a few hours here and there away from her, but the longest stretch ever was during my bachelorette party - and I was gone from about 11am until after dinner, when my lame self trekked it back home because I apparently can't do both day and night drinking these days. Anyhow, I've never been away from her overnight. And I'm a little bit freaking out about it.
It's not that I don't trust my husband. In fact, he's definitely the more cautious of the two of us, since I've adopted a laidback attitude about parenting that's come from years of working with children on a daily basis. I just feel so scared and worried and anxious that something bad could happen, especially with him driving three hours each way to his parents with her (!!!), and that I'll never see her again.
Ridiculous, I know. So was the fact that I used to stay awake night after night monitoring her breathing, when it comes down to it. But I'm afraid of little as a parent except losing my child, and that fear is taking over right now.
I really kicked around canceling my trip to stay at home. But then I thought more and more about it, and that's ridiculous. I didn't go to the first conveniently located bloggy boot camp two years ago because I didn't want to leave Ava - and it was in Austin! I just would've been gone for one day. And now, of course, I'm wishing I would have gone then, so I'd have some modicum of comfort with the situation now. So I'm pushing out of my comfort zone, trusting in my husband and having faith that all will be ok (knock on wood!!!), and biting the bullet: I'm packing up my car, picking up some other local bloggers (shout out to Leigh Ann and Melissa - woot!), and heading to Bloggy Boot Camp for the weekend! Dallas, here I come!
Any advice for a mama leaving her
(Also, I feel like I should clarify since this makes me sound like an insane, hovering, anxiety-ridden mama, which I am generally not. In fact, I'm usually quite the opposite, sitting back and letting Ava do her own thing and following her lead. Just so you first-timers reading this don't think I'm, well, crazier than I really am. Which is still pretty crazy.)