It Gets Better.

I know that technically yesterday was Spirit Day, but we were out and about rocking our purple all over town, so this post is coming at ya a day late. Either way, the message still matters.

When I was very young (6), I was moved up a grade while at a small school, and much like a small town, everybody knew your business. I went from Kindergarten to second grade, and while it sounds like a small enough leap, it was big enough to label me an outcast. From that point forward, all the kids knew that I "didn't belong", and I was labeled throughout elementary, middle, and, unfortunately, high school, as "too smart", or "too small", or "too flat-chested" - you get the drift. Being a year younger doesn't sound like much, particularly now, but when you're in the throes of puberty, it's a big difference, and as we all know, even the smallest difference in school can make you a target for name-calling, bullying, and loner status.

Though twenty years have passed, the ridicule I experienced during my school years has stayed with me, and most likely will remain forever. I second-guess myself in certain situations, I feel nervous and unlikable in groups with new people, and only as a college student did I really come into my own and figure out who I was and where I belonged. Man, I loved college.

To this day, I am proud of myself for joining not one but TWO mom's groups. I have showed up places where I knew no one, Ava in tow, to make friends for both of us and hope that I'll be accepted for who I am. Again I feel I'm at a disadvantage, now due to my marital status as opposed to my age, though sometimes I am the youngest and I instantly feel panicked.

I fight back anxiety at times that can only be attributed to what I went through as a child. And once children decided that I should be the target of their hatred, they found lots of things about me they didn't like. I didn't have much money growing up, so my clothes were also off-brand and behind the trends. My hair was naturally curly, and went every which way, particularly in our humid climate. My parents didn't bother to put me in braces, which I needed. Children teased me and humiliated me and said hurtful, hateful things to me. And now, I am an adult who is always put together in clothing that is expensive, or brand-name, or trendy, and who has perfectly straight (I corrected this myself, to the tune of $6,000 at 19 - it was THAT important to me) teeth and straight, smooth hair that I fight with my Chi on a regular basis. It may look like the wounds have healed, but clearly, they have not.

In light of all the recent teen suicides due to bullying, whether it's due to sexual orientation, financial circumstances, racial or ethnic identity, physical or mental handicap, or whatever little thing people can pick away at you for, I implore you to put an end to bullying and inequality in our world. As a mother, I am afraid of many things, but little is as sickening to me as the thought that children will damage Ava the way that they damaged me. While I can do my best to prepare her, to make her strong and resilient, and to do as much as humanly possible to ensure she's not an obvious target, it is up to ALL of us to teach our children to be loving, tolerant, accepting human beings. Won't you join me?

Wordless Wednesday: Co-Napping

(*Please forgive my terrible looking skin. Ava scratched me a few days ago, and it still looks awful!)

Musings on Motherhood.

When I was a little girl, we had a next door neighbor (in our otherwise suburban neighborhood filled with families with children) who was childless. She was the quintessential single girl, and I looked up to her. (On a strange side note, I grew up to be the quintessential single girl in my neighborhood full of families, until D and I moved in together and procreated. Strange how things come back around, isn't it?!) Anyhow, her name was Susan, and she was awesome and fun, but the whole neighborhood always wondered when she'd "get married and settle down and have babies." While at the time I thought she must lead too exciting a life for all that, now sometimes I catch myself wondering the same thing about childless adults, particularly those who have been married for 5+ years and have yet to have a child, and (gasp!) aren't interested in children.

I 100% respect the life choices of others. I do charity work with the local civil liberties organization, Equality Texas, as well as participate as a host for a local fundraiser benefiting LGBT charities during the holiday season. I contribute money to the cause, vote on propositions dear to my heart - you name it, I stand in support of choice. Even despite my own personal experience with this issue, I am pro-choice to the end. So don't get me wrong that I'm making a statement against those who choose to not have children. But, lately, I've realized a few things, and I thought, given that I'm not feeling so hot and am curled up under a blanket on the couch while A naps, I'd muse publicly, seeing as how most of my recent posts have been picture-heavy but not too long on words :)

Being a mother has fundamentally changed me. I didn't realize how much this would be the case, claiming that being a nanny was similar. And while, in a lot of ways it can be, being a mother comes with a sense of community and selflessness that being a nanny and/or all the experience with children in the world never could. Let me explain.

Since having Ava, I find myself being much more cautious about my decisions. And I don't just mean decisions like where our money goes and what is a worthwhile purchase, though that's on the list of things that I consider more now, but little things like speeding through the yellow light and driving over the speed limit. While initially I thought the change to my driving was only when A was present and for her safety, I've noticed that I tend to be more cautious when alone now also, and in other situations. No little girl should be without her mother because of a careless, senseless mistake. My life may have been valuable to me and other people before, but now, it's priceless.

I also make every effort to consider the example I'm setting for her. Sure, she's too little to understand the reasoning behind my actions, but I like the thought of her observing me being kind to the homeless, giving money to the hungry, donating to the charity at the checkout line at HEB. Like I said, motherhood has fundamentally changed me. Being a parent has made me a better person, It's made ME - a person who has always been considerate of other children, who once upon a time worked for Child Protective Services to protect those who needed protection - be still more aware of the trials of others, to feel more protective of all children and feel empathy towards and aware of their pain. I am more interested in our HOA, caring more about what our neighborhood is like, and have a vested interest in the school and park systems in my city. While I'm not saying that childless individuals don't feel this sort of civil and communal obligation, I surely didn't feel it the way I do now pre-Ava.

In what ways do you feel parenthood has changed you, aside from the obvious sleep-deprivation and so on? Do you feel that there is truth to my musings, or are these just one person's observations?

A Day in the Life of Ava.

Playing with her toys:

Yep, I let her watch some Dora that particular morning so I could eat breakfast without her mooching...bad mama!


Just looking cute:

What happens if I look away for 30 seconds - that's stair five :(

At the bounce house/baby gym:

Loves this ball they have:

Ava's first library storytime:

Princess Sleepyhead Spoiledface.

Wordless Wednesday: Headbands!

Ava's Second Pumpkin Patch - Elgin Christmas Tree Farm.

Today I joined my other MOMS group for a trip out to Elgin Christmas Tree Farm, where they have a fun, family-friendly pumpkin patch throughout October. It was a great time, if a bit warm: