Happy New Year, everyone! Sorry for the hiatus...something about having a baby and all that jazz...
Lots to report. First off, Ava's first outing was Friday, when we took her up to the hospital for a weight and jaundice check. She's back up at 7lbs, 9oz, having regained 5 ozs. since leaving the hospital and being a measly 3 from her birthweight...we rock! Also, her billirubin levels were borderline, but since she's eating and pooing like a champion, they felt comfortable leaving it alone and having her pediatrician check it at our first appointment tomorrow. Whew.
After that, we returned home just in time for her first grandparent visit, with D's dad, Grandpa Don, coming into town for Friday and Saturday. We then went to lunch and hit up Babies R Us for a few things we found we could use (lanolin cream, burp cloths & another swaddling blanket, to be exact) and then headed home, where mommy promptly passed out. We also stopped by the pharmacy to pick up the prescription my doctor called in a couple weeks back. Postpartum depression has hit full force, though after just a few days on the meds it's starting to lighten up a bit. More on that another time. Right now I'm trying to enjoy my daughter. All I can say is that if you think you might be showing signs of it, CALL YOUR DOCTOR. There is no shame in seeking treatment for this potentially very serious condition. If you don't want to call your doctor, email me. Sometimes it's just nice to know others have been there too. Trust me - trying to explain sadness in such a time of joy is difficult. Luckily, D is fantastic, and was prepared for this. My physical recovery is going slowly, though I am completely off my painkillers. I think they were contributing to my depression, so I've decided to go without. It's a tough decision some hours of the day, but I'm trying to control it with ibuprofen and the hope that this too shall pass.
Our next first was Baby's first (belated) Christmas! Though we'll celebrate baby's first Christmas next year, this year Santa came by the house in anticipation of her arrival, so she had some great presents to open :) It was awesome! She got the Madeline book set, the Eloise book set, a snuggly seahorse glowworm, a play telephone and a doll. Ava was a very good girl this year :)
And on a fantastically positive note, I've lost 18 lbs!!!!!!!!! Yep...you read that right. 18 POUNDS! 8 of them in the past 48 hours after getting up and walking got that fluid circulating and eliminating. Sweeeeeeeeet! I feel hopeful.
Last Sunday:
Today:
Ok, off to nurse soon. Last night she slept from midnight to 8am, waking only at 4am to nurse, and has stuck to a four-hour schedule nearly like clockwork since. I wish I was delusional enough to think this would last forever!!!
Yes...PPD definitely hits like a train wreck. I wasn't prepared for it AT ALL...and I spent more than a few nights huddled in J's lap, sobbing and hysterical thinking how awful and horrible a Mommy I was for having thoughts of hurting my beautiful little girl.
ReplyDeleteI distinctly remember one time while on Lexapro...I had the urge to choke Marianne. It was almost uncontrollable, and it took all my willpower to lock myself in a bathroom with the phone and leave her sleeping in her swing and call my brother, who drove 2 hours from Denver to stay with me until J got home.
My friend M even came out from Texas to spend a few days with me...and I will never, never forget those days. I was off the anti-depressants after a few months, but that was the scariest time of my entire life, hands down...the thought that I could possibly ever even THINK that...when now I look down at her sleeping and my heart aches, I am so in love with her.
My mom has the gall to tell me to my face she didn't think I had PPD, that I just didn't want to take care of the baby...and what she doesn't understand is that I was TERRIFIED to take care of her. That terror drove me to all sorts of abhorrent thinking (caused, in part, by the fact Lexpro is NOT MY FRIEND!)
So yes, I absolutely echo your warning to anyone expecting. GET HELP if you think you're starting to lose it. Call someone, call your doctor...I was afraid of being judged, and amazing people stepped up to help me when I needed it most.
Now I can enjoy my little girl...and be wary when I ever have another child, of the signs of PPD.
Hang in there hun and if you need ANYTHING, I will be there.