I've Lost It.

Many of my childless friends and family alike ask me how I lost the baby weight. Let me tell you. I NEVER stop moving.

Oh. You thought this was going to be about how I've lost my mind? Rest assured - I've lost that too. I'm just pretty sure you all are sick of hearing about it...

Anyhow, let me tell you about my weekend. I was busy. Like, BUSSSSSSSSSY.
I made 80 servings of baby food, including pumpkin, applesauce, peaches, broccoli and sweet potatoes. Then, since my baby won't sleep (the one thing I didn't do enough of this weekend...), I made 30 servings of rice cereal in an attempt to fill her up.

I worked in the garden.

I took Ava to our neighborhood pool that finally opened up - not that it hasn't been 100 for the past month (Thanks, HOA. You suck.).

D's dad came to visit and we BBQ'd while watching the World Cup final match (Viva Espana!)

I cleaned all three of our bathrooms.

I did three loads of laundry (how is it possible that three people make SO much laundry? I guess in our defense it should be noted that one was due to Ava peeing through her diaper and all over our bed, so one was due to that situation).

I went to HEB. Twice.

I vacuumed both floors.

I made dairy-free brownies. Delish. Thank you, Duncan Hines. You'll forever be my brownie of choice :)

Hmm...I'm sure there is more, but I can't remember it now because I'm exhausted. I need a weekend from my weekend.

And so friends, despite having eaten almost the entire pan quite a bit of brownies on my own in 24 hours, I managed to lose my baby weight because I never have a chance to sit down.

I'm not entirely sure this is a worthwhile trade-off.

Things I've Meant To Say...

I keep meaning to write some follow-ups, and then, being a new mom with mush for a brain, I forget.

*First off, a very overdue thank you to everyone who commented and/or emailed advice about switching Ava to her crib! I think we're still gonna wait a bit - probably until 4 or 5 months when she's past the greatest SIDS risk - and then make the switch. With everyone's input and reassurance, I feel more confident it's doable, so THANK YOU!

*Second, I am VERY surprised and excited to report that when Lent ends this Sunday, I'll have gone the entire Lenten season without sweets. You heard me. No cupcakes, cookies, brownies, donuts, muffins, etc since February 16th. And you know what? I DO crave them less, and the cravings are less intense. This week has been hard, with all the Easter candy EVERYWHERE I GO, but even still, it's easier than ever before to wait it out :) I've also lost three pounds, although that may just be normal day-to-day variation, but hey - I'll take it!

*Third, my first in (hopefully) a series of races is Saturday at 8AM (yikes!), when I'll be running in the Austin State Hospital Bunny Run. Wish me luck! I haven't been training nearly like I should have due to an old knee injury that I discovered my first time out, but I feel confident I can wing it. I may be a little misguided on this one...It's timed, so I'll let you know how I do this weekend!

*Also, just to be clear, I in no way think that parents that let their children watch TV/DVDs/etc are terrible parents. It was just my own personal commentary on feeling guilty about letting Baby Einsteins babysit while I had ten minutes of much needed personal time :)

Hope everyone is having a great Thursday so far! We tried to go see the Easter Bunny at Barton Creek Square, but unfortunately the Easter Bunny charges $15 for ONE measly 3x5 (plus a border) photo, and that's just highway robbery! I'm feeling certain we can find a cheaper/free Easter Bunny elsewhere, so that's our new mission! If anyone in the area knows of one, please let me know - I desperately want to get a keepsake photo for her first Easter!

Belly Bandit Review.

I've been meaning to write about this forever, especially for any of you readers still waiting to deliver, or for many of us who will want a second baby.

I picked up a Belly Bandit at local boutique Due Maternity around 37 weeks, in order to help with my postpartum belly. Missed that post? Click here for a full wrap-up of what the Belly Bandit is supposed to do. Anyhow, I decided to go with a size M, having gone into the store to try it on with my enormous nine-month belly. Plus, the sales associate said that it was fully returnable as long as it hadn't been worn yet, so I figured that if the medium was too big, I could always go exchange it for a small.

As you all know, I ended up having a c-section. I had heard that the Belly Bandit was especially helpful with c-sections, providing exceptional abdominal support during your recovery, and this was 100% true. I put it on for the first time as we left the hospital, two days postpartum, not wanting to have to continuously remove it for the hospital staff to check my incision. I was admittedly nervous that it would be painful over my incision, but it wasn't. In fact, it was so comfortable and provided such amazing support, I wore it both night and day, taking it off only to shower. The medium was the perfect fit initially, fastening snugly around my post-baby belly, but within six days, I had sent D out to go pick up a size small. No way would that thing have fit initially, but that's how quickly it reduced post-pregnancy bloating and swelling. I can imagine this would be even more accurate with a natural delivery, since I'm certain the sutures in my uterus were causing even more swelling than was normal. I sure felt that way, at least!

Anyhow, starting about a week postpartum, I had moved into the small, and already felt amazing about how well it was working. I fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans at 10 days postpartum (!!!!) and I completely attribute that to the Belly Bandit. It certainly wasn't for lack of eating, at least not once I got through the initial few days recovery! I continued to wear it for the six weeks it recommended, though sometime right before week four it started to fit less comfortably, as my waist shrunk and was no longer even with my hips and rib cage's width (if that makes sense?) It just didn't seem to handle the curve/contour of my smaller waist as well. It still worked wonders, however, and when I finally retired it around six weeks, I felt confident enough with my flat belly to wear my normal tight shirts and sweaters without feeling like I had a major post-baby bulge. I would 100% recommend this product to ANYONE! Definitely plan on buying two sizes though to accommodate your shrinking belly! Trust me, you won't mind buying a second one when you see the progress!

Lent.

As you all know, I was raised Mormon. After much soul-searching and church-visiting last year, however, I chose to make the switch to Episcopalian, as their beliefs more closely mirrored my own, and I had not been an actively participating Mormon, well...ever. Anyhow, though I had known many people who observed Lent, I have never practiced it myself, nor have I been too familiar with the principles and practices involved. This year changes that.

Seeing as how this is my first Lent, my first year in charge of another's spiritual education, and my first year as an active and practicing Episcopalian, I chose to go all out. Oh yes, my friends. It's not enough that because I'm breastfeeding, I am still abstaining from alcohol. And dairy, in fact, due to my lactation consultant's suggestion. And caffeine. Nor is it enough that due to my current life situation with a newborn at home, I am having to forcibly abstain from a decent night's sleep. Nope. I decided more torture was needed when deciding on my Lenten sacrifice, and decided to give up sweets. Broad, right? Let me break it down for you a bit more clearly. I cannot have:

*Cookies
*Cupcakes
*Brownies
*Cake
*Candy
*Ice Cream

I may still have:

*Sugar-free hot chocolate
*Sugar-free jell-o pudding
*100 calorie packs

I know that may sound odd, but a.) those don't qualify as the same type of sweets that, say, creme brulee does, and b.) if I have to give up those three as well, I am setting myself up for a quick failure when I have my first craving. Trust me - it's a major diet change. I have a sweet tooth to rival cookie monster, and probably eat nearly as many cookies. I'm also hoping to come out the other side of this Lenten season several pounds lighter!

Wish me luck!

Just Another Manic Monday.

This morning was my six-week postpartum visit (Happy 6 weeks, A!). It also happened to be the morning of the worst downpour I have ever driven in, and also the latest I have ever slept through my alarm. Oops!

The doctor's visit went well. I am cleared to begin training for whichever run I end up participating in this spring. While I'm anxious to get my abs back, I'm not so psyched about actually having to put forth the effort, but I digress. In other good news, I've lost all my baby weight. At this rate, ill breastfeed forever! I suddenly understand the skinny women with a two-year-old attached to their breast ;)

Now that we've knocked that appointment out of the way, it's off to Barnes & Noble and the post office to send my littlest sister's birthday gift (only two weeks late :/), and then time to go to work! Four and a half weeks until Spring Break!

Question for Runners.

Remember how back when I was pregnant and desperate for some freedom and outlet from the physical discomfort of pregnancy, I vowed to run the Capitol 10K in April?!? You do? Damn. I mean, I'm not trying to wuss out, but 10K? I hardly have the energy to run and check the mail today!

Ok, in all seriousness, though, I need some advice/a pep talk from all you seasoned runners out there. For those of you who know me well, you know I'm a walker, at best, so this is a big goal for me. Here's my big question: Can I train for a 10K in 9 weeks after not having exercised a single muscle in my body in over six months, and after having a c-section five and a half weeks ago? If so, what kind of training regimen/diet/lifestyle changes do I need to adopt?! Lastly, if anyone reading is in the Austin area, would you be interested in training/running the 10K with me? I need some support, ladies!

4 Weeks = Big Day!

Lots of big events today! First things first, I am officially going back to work today. In fact, one hour and counting until I have to pick up S from preschool. I'm actually quite excited to see the girls and show off Ava!

Next up? Ava's 1-month appointment. Before I get into the details, allow me a little ventfest. I was kept waiting for over an HOUR for a 10-minute appointment where I felt my doctor was not only inattentive, but slightly condescending. WTF. Ok, done venting. Anyhow, Ava weighs in at a pound above her birthweight - 8lbs, 12oz! Yay! Way to grow, Ava! I also brought up my reflux concerns, and the nurse gave me a questionnaire about reflux where you answer questions and your responses are assigned values - up to 25 total. Anything under 7 is unlikely to be reflux. Ava scored a 7, which made me question my assumptions, though Dr K, seeming to want to make a quick exit, threw a prescription for prilosec at us without batting an eyelash. I am not one to want to just pump my kiddo full of medicine unless absolutely necessary, so I'm feeling a bit unsure about the prilosec. I think ill give it a trial run and see if a.) it has any side effects that could be worse than mild reflux, and b.)if it helps, in which case that's great. She also suggested that since she had the gasping incidences where it seemed as though she was choking that we sleep her in her car seat. I couldve swore I read that was unsafe, so I plan to investigate more before I take her up on that. I know your doctor's advice should supercede what you read elsewhere, but I'm not sure I trust Dr. K's opinion completely. In fact, after her first visit telling me I didn't need to come back until 2 months and then having Ava's lack of weight gain go undetected until I got concerned and made an appt with the lactation consultant, and now today, I may consider switching to another doctor. Is that unreasonable?

Alright - I need to finish up A's meal and head to get the girlies. Happy Monday everyone!

First Solo Outing!

Yesterday was my first solo outing with Ava. I took this extra week off knowing that I wouldn't want to have my first solo outing coincide with my first day of work, so I decided it was time to brave leaving her in the backseat by herself, and get back behind the wheel.

First stop - weight check with the lactation consultant. All the steps I have taken to increase my milk supply must be working, since little A is up to 8lbs, 8ozs. Score! This makes me so happy! Especially given that if she hadn't gained weight still by yesterday, I wouldve had to start supplementing with formula, which I really didn't want to do. Yay success! That makes all the pumping and supplements entirely worthwhile.

After that we met D for pizza rolls at Doubledave's, through which little miss Ava slept the entire time! She had no clue we had lunch with dad.

Then came the best decision I have made for my sanity as a mother: I picked up the Bebesounds Angelcare sound and movement monitor. This thing is amazing! While I wouldve said it was entirely over the top before Ava was born, knowing how much sleep I lose watching and waking up to check if she's breathing, I am now 100% behind this monitor. How it works is you place the movement sensor pad under the mattress and then set the handset units up just like you would a normal monitor, connecting the movement sensor to the nursery handset. The sensor is sensitive enough to detect the rise and fall of baby's chest, as well as his/her larger movements of course, and if at anytime it goes 20 seconds without sensing movement, an alarm goes off, prompting both the baby to move/breathe, and the parents to wake up to check on and possibly take revival efforts for baby. It literally saves lives. Best money I have ever spent.

Despite this new monitor, I slept like utter crap last night. Ava was on a sleep strike, and didn't fall asleep and STAY asleep until 2:45. Holy crapballs. That being said, I'm exhausted. Back to bed!

Baby's First Christmas & Other News.

Happy New Year, everyone! Sorry for the hiatus...something about having a baby and all that jazz...



Lots to report. First off, Ava's first outing was Friday, when we took her up to the hospital for a weight and jaundice check. She's back up at 7lbs, 9oz, having regained 5 ozs. since leaving the hospital and being a measly 3 from her birthweight...we rock! Also, her billirubin levels were borderline, but since she's eating and pooing like a champion, they felt comfortable leaving it alone and having her pediatrician check it at our first appointment tomorrow. Whew.

After that, we returned home just in time for her first grandparent visit, with D's dad, Grandpa Don, coming into town for Friday and Saturday. We then went to lunch and hit up Babies R Us for a few things we found we could use (lanolin cream, burp cloths & another swaddling blanket, to be exact) and then headed home, where mommy promptly passed out. We also stopped by the pharmacy to pick up the prescription my doctor called in a couple weeks back. Postpartum depression has hit full force, though after just a few days on the meds it's starting to lighten up a bit. More on that another time. Right now I'm trying to enjoy my daughter. All I can say is that if you think you might be showing signs of it, CALL YOUR DOCTOR. There is no shame in seeking treatment for this potentially very serious condition. If you don't want to call your doctor, email me. Sometimes it's just nice to know others have been there too. Trust me - trying to explain sadness in such a time of joy is difficult. Luckily, D is fantastic, and was prepared for this. My physical recovery is going slowly, though I am completely off my painkillers. I think they were contributing to my depression, so I've decided to go without. It's a tough decision some hours of the day, but I'm trying to control it with ibuprofen and the hope that this too shall pass.



Our next first was Baby's first (belated) Christmas! Though we'll celebrate baby's first Christmas next year, this year Santa came by the house in anticipation of her arrival, so she had some great presents to open :) It was awesome! She got the Madeline book set, the Eloise book set, a snuggly seahorse glowworm, a play telephone and a doll. Ava was a very good girl this year :)





And on a fantastically positive note, I've lost 18 lbs!!!!!!!!! Yep...you read that right. 18 POUNDS! 8 of them in the past 48 hours after getting up and walking got that fluid circulating and eliminating. Sweeeeeeeeet! I feel hopeful.

Last Sunday:


Today:


Ok, off to nurse soon. Last night she slept from midnight to 8am, waking only at 4am to nurse, and has stuck to a four-hour schedule nearly like clockwork since. I wish I was delusional enough to think this would last forever!!!

To Do.

I am not certain that I understand how this happened (It could be that as of the past three days, I have been having a ton of intense contractions that have left me wondering several times if I'll even need to be induced). I have spent this entire pregnancy preparing for Baby B, down to the minute details of readying her baptism papers and so on, and yet I still have one killer to do list before we leave for the hospital in 31 hours. Here's a sneak peek:

*Hang stuffed animal hammock
*Set up pack & play/bassinet in our room (We haven't done this yet since we didn't want to take up space before we had to...)
*Finish packing (OK, this isn't my fault either, since all I need to add are things I'm going to be using before it's time to go, like makeup)
*Pack away clothes (some of the maternity clothes I borrowed that have been too big, and some of my normal clothes that aren't practical for a couple months when it warms up)
*Return library books
*Fully clean house (this I do constantly, but one last sweep pre-baby won't hurt!)
*Install car seat (we don't have one until tomorrow, since we're having to borrow one until we get the one that's being given to us when D goes back to work)
*Pedicure
*Pick up tabloids to read during labor (these get outdated fast)

Upon looking at this list, I suppose I do see how this may have happened....some of these things really and truly had to be done last minute. Today I think I'll spend assembling her little bed for our room, since she'll sleep in that initially until I am sure I'll wake up to her cries and her room gets a bit warmer, and work on packing away my clothes and cleaning the house. Tomorrow I fully intend to take it easy, hence the pedicure. If I can have a totally relaxing pre-labor experience, that would be fantastic. Oh, the benefits of induction. I once worked for a mom that two months out, scheduled an elective c-section, and I really badmouthed her to my family when telling them about it. While I still don't think an elective c-section is worthwhile unless there are some serious reasons behind it, I now understand her a little bit better. I have really struggled in the past month (and throughout my pregnancy, to be honest) with the fact that this event, and my pregnancy itself, is something I have about zero control over. And being a major control freak, that's really difficult for me. I've been trying to roll with the punches on certain things to the best of my ability, since I know that will be an invaluable skill to have once the baby is here, but generally it's very difficult for me to relinquish control, and this has been a big factor here for me. That being said, knowing when I'm going to the hospital and being able to plan/clean/load the car with that in mind has made the past few days a trillion times easier. I've actually slept nearly eight hours per night (less a bathroom break or five) the past three nights. Heaven.

On another positive note, my net weight gain as of this morning was right at 28lbs. My doctor had said he wanted at least 30 due to my small-ish size pre-baby, and I had said that over my dead body would I top 30 pounds, so I am 100% okay with this. Especially since I am looking a bit swollen, and think that some of it may very well be water weight. It's shocking (and extremely exciting!) to me to think that this time next week, I'll be watching the scale go down (albeit it could go slowly). I could very well be sitting at 15lbs less this time next week with a little luck and a massive fluid flush of my system. Here's hoping!

Have a wonderful Saturday of post-Christmas shopping everyone! Santa forgot a little something for Baby B (who, now more than ever, still doesn't have a final name, sadly), and I got a certificate to my favorite book store, so besides cleaning and prepping for baby, I'll be doing a bit of shopping and then indulging in Greek food. Delish!

It's Friday!

Two reasons why this is fantastic news:

1.) The obvious - who doesn't love Friday, and the weekend it welcomes? Me, especially, since again, I slept from midnight to 3AM, and have been awake ever since. Seven combined hours of sleep in the past two days? Not my idea of fun.

2.) I got my Belly Bandit today! Yay! I'm not sure if it'll work or not, but it's 100% worth trying out, especially with the science behind it and the great reviews I've heard from women I know that have used it. Flat stomach returning sooner than later? I think so.

Happy Friday everyone! I'm hoping to be home and passed out for the entire weekend, so unless anything exciting happens (I've given up hope on that front), it may be Monday before I find time/energy to post again. Have a great weekend!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

I could just scream. And not the happy, excited kind. The are you freaking kidding me?!? kind.

Doctor's appointment went both good and bad. While it feels overwhelmingly bad, the good news is that my incessant water-drinking did in fact help me to shed 4 of the 6 lbs I gained last week, bringing my net gain to 2lbs over the past two weeks...ding ding ding. Back on track. That's a relief. I'm now at 26lbs. Whatever, I'll take it.

On another positive note(?), my abdominal ultrasound did not show gallstones. The negative there is that I experienced another bout of pain on Saturday night (though not as bad) and now we have no idea why....super duper. Maybe it'll just naturally go away as my internal organs return to their previous locations? Let's hope.

Also, I reclaimed my centimeter! I am dilated to 1cm, and still 80% effaced. Obnoxious. Better than nothing, but when I said, "So we can still have this baby in two weeks, right?!" I was met with a big, FAT maybe. Make up your damn mind, doc. Which is it? Do you just need me to come completely unglued in front of you all over again? Because considering I start most every appointment lately with an I will not cry at this appointment mantra, I'm pretty certain it can be arranged. Either way, D will be going to my visit next week with me for support.

What really gets me is that he seems totally willing to schedule a c-section, but is weary of the induction. Um, isn't that kind of backwards? Isn't a doctor weary of inductions due to their ability to lead increasingly to c-sections? And if so, shouldn't we at least try the induction route first?!?! I mean, I'm not the doctor here, but it doesn't take advanced medical training to see how that's not logical. And as any sane first-time mother would feel, I don't WANT to have a c-section. It's actually a total nightmare, and much more difficult recovery. But I feel like my options are these:

A.) Schedule an elective c-section so baby arrives on 12/28 and I won't spend my one week of paid maternity leave sitting around trying to will her out, and then have to return to work when she is two weeks old after having taken the two weeks off I can afford to unpaid, OR
B.) Spend my one week of paid leave (I can't change the dates because the D's are going on a trip and that coincides with my paid time off - already tried that) still pregnant, praying baby at least comes by her due date, and returning to work when baby is two weeks old, with D going back to work on her due date (his leave coincides with University leave due to Christmas break) aka while I'm in labor/delivery/recovering at first, and being out several thousand dollars in 2010 insurance expenses.

Can you see why I'm at my wits end?

Why can't this be an option:

C.) Attempt an induction on 12/28, wait it out and if absolutely necessary, then opt for a c-section, giving me an additional week of recovery time and bonding time with Baby B before I return to work, and giving D an entire week to adjust to our new family of three before he returns to work.

Isn't that clearly the best option?!?! Especially given that my doctor mentioned that women that have had cervical surgery frequently can't dilate on their own....which, to me, means I'll need to be induced anyhow?!?! WTF. I'm super pissed.

Not to mention, the first three exams I had weren't bad by any means, but today's hurt like hell, and at the risk of TMI, I'm bleeding pretty significantly from it.

I HATE BEING PREGNANT.

Welcome to Full-Term, Baby B!

The day has finally come! I can do anything and everything I want to try to induce labor, despite none of them really being 'proven', and no one can give me shit about it. It's about time. (And while there is bound to be that woman out there that wants to chime in, "Well, your due date can be off by a couple weeks, blah blah blah," let me assure you that I am well aware of Baby B's real due date since I know when she was conceived. So there. Take that.)

Anyhow, on a similar note, I started eating fresh pineapple like crazy last night. I figure with that one, even if it does absolutely nothing, I love fresh fruit, so what could it hurt? Oh, it hurt. It brought on (or it could be purely coincidence) some contractions, ones that were painful enough that I woke up a few times last night from the pain, each time thinking, So that's what real contractions feel like! Sadly, nothing came of them, and I was so ridiculously drowsy from this past week that I continuously fell asleep. Unfortunately D was also feeling quite sleepy, since when I woke him up the second time saying, "Um, ouch!", he said something akin to, "That's nice, dear" and passed back out. Hopefully I'll go into actual labor during the day...preferably first thing in the morning after a full night's rest. Hmm...perhaps today?! Doubtful. I've given up my hope and premonitions that Baby B will come early at this point :(

It's been pretty cold here, which has put a damper on my ability to walk...not to mention, Baby B is pretty 'engaged', and walking can get uncomfortable really fast. I'm going to try to maybe get some walking done indoors this weekend at the mall or something...wow, didn't think I'd be saying that for another forty years!

Also, in the 'best news ever' category, I've lost 4.5 lbs since Tuesday...apparently the gallon of water a day I've been drinking has done it's job, as I'm currently retaining far less. I am looking a bit swollen though...I guess it's unavoidable at this point. Either way, I'm going to continue to chug that H2O until my appointment Monday, as to avoid another rapid increase at the doctor's office!

That is all for now. I'm watching a lot of you fellow bloggers like a hawk, since your babies are all due any day now. As jealous as I am that you'll most likely get to meet your wee ones before I do, I'm pretty dang excited to see pics/hear names/get stats and, most of all, hear real birth stories that aren't being told just for shock value. Please do share :)

Ok, off to go get ready for the day. We're going to see The Blind Side today because a.) we live in Texas and football is life here, and b.) if there is one consistent piece of advice moms give me, it's go to the movies while you still can. So date day it is!

Happy Saturday everyone!

37-Week Appt.

First off, this day started off as hell on Earth, due to the FOUR straight hours I was awake last night. And as we all know, I tend to cry a lot when I'm overtired...so keep that in mind as you read on. Also, just to warn you, I'm too tired and fed up to even try to be positive right now, so this is going to be one long, massive rant, and I'm not even going to apologize for it. Consider yourself forewarned...

I woke up not feeling so hot, having slept a total of 3.5 hours, and was in no mood to go to the doc. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was nervous about my doctor not taking my gallstones seriously and so I may have gone in with a bit of a defeated attitude, just feeling like I wasn't getting the help/care I need. Besides being tired and upset, I was also quite hungry, seeing as how I'm terrified to eat anything for fear of another gallbladder 'attack', so that wasn't helping anything, since hunger + overtired + anxious = one bitchy, weepy B.

Anyhow, I get to the office, and am informed that they have made a mistake, and I should've been paying copayments this entire time, despite them telling me otherwise at 28 weeks, and so I may be getting a bill for $30/visit, and have to pay it starting today from here on out. While this isn't earth-shattering news, between my L&D visit Sunday and finding out last night I'll only be paid for ONE week of maternity leave, and that's Christmas leave I would've had off anyways, I'm feeling very stressed about finances and immediately freaked out. Super-effing-duper.

Next, I was weighed. And while this sounds absolutely impossible to EVERYONE, even my doctor who gave me a strange, disbelieving look when I brought it up to him while sobbing my eyes out (further proof that I doubt he looks at my chart at all before coming into the room), I GAINED SIX LBS IN SIX DAYS. Yep, you read that right. Which, as any pregnant woman should know, is a big red flag. But since my BP wasn't through the roof, he just said, "Well you do look puffier, and your weight gain has been so low so far that it's hardly problematic." I just sat there, wide-eyed, sobbing uncontrollably, and finally, after many visits of keeping my mouth shut as to be a good patient, let him have it. I told him how awful I've been feeling, how I never, ever sleep, how little I've been eating the past few days for fear of another gallstone attack and how I lie awake at night fairly certain I'm losing my mind as I plot ways to get the baby to come out for fear I'm going to lose it entirely and test my surgical skills myself. And finally, finally, I got a reaction. My normally laidback doctor finally abandoned his laissez faire attitude to realize that for whatever reason, I am not cut out for this experience, and said that if I am not making progress that would make for a favorable induction on the 28th, and I want an elective c-section, that he will not make me go past the 28th, if I can hang on that long. Frankly, I think he thinks I'm losing my mind. And because of my fear of postpartum depression and psychosis, and my family history of it, his fears are probably warranted. While I know that most women at the end of their pregnancy feel at the end of their rope, I think I may be feeling things that are a bit more serious and desolate than that. While I don't exactly want him to think I'm a nutcase, especially since he wasn't my doctor before I was pregnant and doesn't realize that I'm actually a pretty sane, reasonable, emotionally stable individual, I am happy to have him taking things seriously for a change.

His nurse also scheduled the abdominal ultrasound for me, though it did require me to say, "Even if you don't think it's critical right now, I do, so just do it." And so they did.

In other shitty news, I'm Group B Strep positive. While that means something as silly as just needing antibiotics, it was earth-shattering news to hear in the midst of my mental collapse at his office. Oh, and he forgot to tell me. I overheard the nurse telling the other nurse to notate it in my chart. Good thing I'm a good listener.

Abdominal ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday morning. Until then, I can't eat any meat, dairy, or fat. That's right. Fat free meals beforehand, and fasting after midnight tomorrow. As if I have any appetite at all after gaining a pound a day. He wanted to see me back on Friday, but seeing as how I now have to pay a $30 copay per visit, I just scheduled it for Monday to combine that follow-up with next week's visit.

I am so frustrated and overtired. I'm just praying that the next 20 days flies by, or that my body decides I've had enough beforehand.

34-Week Appointment!

My appointment this morning went very well. First off, I hadn't gained any weight. Maybe .2 of a pound or something, but overall, no weight gain. YAY! And before certain individuals start lecturing me, know that when I asked my doctor about this he said that it's perfectly fine, and that he's not concerned about it a shred. That brings me to a total of 21 lbs. in 34 weeks. Not too shabby! I'm definitely on track to stay under 30, which is my goal. Or at least it has been, since I realized keeping it to 25 probably wasn't going to happen, nor did my doctor want me to.

It was hard at first for them to find Baby B's heartbeat. Despite having felt her move as I was laying back for them to measure me and use the doppler to find her heartbeat, my heart stood still for a minute as I watched the nurse search and search. When she finally did find it, it was up right near my rib cage, further adding to my suspicions that Baby B is breech, if not flat out transverse. Either that or she's got her legs split to kick me on each far side, and has a long torso! Dr. R said not to worry about it for the time being - she still has time to drop. If she hasn't by my 36-week appointment, though, he may need to try an external version to get her to move. Doesn't sound too fun, but I'm hoping she'll settle on in where she should be with due time. If she won't move, though, it'll be c-section time, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there!

I haven't mentioned this because it's just plain weird, but I've been experiencing a touch of pica. For those of you unfamiliar with this condition, it's the experience of craving non-food objects. Many times people will crave dirt, gravel, etc., but in my case it's shown it's affections for toothpaste, aspirin and paper. I haven't acted on these cravings, of course, but I will freely admit that it's the strangest thing in the world to ask yourself, "What do I feel like eating?" and have your inner voice respond, "A napkin." My doctor said that this is very common in pregnant women so not to be upset by it, but to be sure not to act on any of the cravings, particularly aspirin. Well, duh. Anyway, I mention this not only to single myself out as a freak of nature, but so that if anyone else out there is experiencing this same phenomenon, now you know that not only are you not alone, but you're considered par for the course.

With regards to my near trip to L&D a week and a half ago, my doc said that this is likely to start occuring more and more often and with more intensity, and that if I have more than ten contractions in the course of an hour, to go to the hospital and call him immediately. Other than that, to trust my judgment like I did before :) It seems for as much as his nurse seems to dismiss my concerns as overreacting, my doctor and I seem to be on the same wavelength, for which I am eternally grateful.

Two weeks until my 36-week appointment, and then weekly from there on out until Baby B arrives! YAY! The only crappy thing is that from here on out I'll have weekly cervical checks, and I'm not really psyched for that. Oh well, though. At least she'll be closer to being here!

Belly Bandit.

Has anyone used, or is planning to use, the Belly Bandit? Here's a blurb about it:

The Belly Bandit - a high quality postpartum abdominal compression binder designed to help you get your body back to its former fabulousness post childbirth. It is currently one of the best selling post pregnancy tools in the US that has Hollywood celebrity moms such as Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie raving about it.

Unless you are one of the lucky few, don't be surpised if you still look 7-8 months pregnant after giving birth due to uterine swelling and water retention. The Belly Bandit is specially designed to help reduce uncomfortable uterine swelling and aid in decreasing bloating caused by water retention, and give additional support for Mommy's weary legs & back. For breastfeeding moms, the Belly Bandit will help you with your posture during feedings, and may help to reduce the all too common back & shoulder pain associated with breastfeeding.

Stretch marks – urgh! Although everybody knows what can cause them ie: stomach growth and the stretching of skin, we really have never thought about the post period and what may be another factor. The excess skin that is pulled and stretched after birth may continue to cause unsightly markings by “hanging around”. Greater support of this loose skin may actually decrease tension which in turn may decrease stretch marks in the post period.

• Helps Loose Inches Faster
• Doctor Recommended
• Helps Minimize Stretch Marks
• Reduces Discomfort
• Speeds up the Healing Process
• Improves Posture
• Reduces Pressure on Back and Legs
• Helps Minimize Swelling
• Restores Confidence
• Provides Support for Breast Feeding
• Adds Abdominal Support and Comfort After C-section

The Belly Bandit is based upon the centuries-old practice of postpartum belly binding, and has been met with rave reviews from celebrities to talk show hosts to bloggers and beyond.

Anyone I know want to throw in their two cents?

Belly Buttons & Such.

While I know this should be the least of my worries at this point, there has been something constantly weighing on my mind lately: When is my belly button going to pop? (Note: This is meant to be asked in a horrified, dreaded manner, not in a state of anticipation!)

So, experienced ladies, when does this usually happen? Does it hurt? Does it happen gradually, or overnight? I think mine has maybe been rearranged slightly lately, which makes me even more certain that it's going to happen soon. Damn it.

Also..it goes back, right? How long does it take? Does it return the same, or as a shadow of it's former self?

I'm pretty certain I liked my belly button (and flat stomach, clear skin, levelheadedness, etc!) just the way it was, thank you very much!

BabyFit!

I recently stumbled upon BabyFit, a magnificent website tailored to help moms and moms-to-be keep track of their caloric intake, as well as their intake of certain important nutrients. As a former nutrition major, I have seen few programs that are FREE and SO wonderful, with such a large database of foods to input. Had a Sonic Chicken Strip Dinner last night and want to calculate and offset the damage? No problem! No task is too much for Babyfit! I'm really, really loving this website. It also breaks down your percentage of carbohydrates, fats and protein, and compares them in daily, weekly and monthly charts. For someone who is really trying to control the amount of weight they put on during the next few months, this is a godsend. The only better way to use it, I foresee, is when I'm trying to take these pounds back off. I'm so glad to have found this site, and definitely recommend anyone watching their figures, pregnant or not, to check it out!

First Trimester Wrap-Up!

A few milestones here today:

First off, it's the last day of my first trimester. 'Bout freakin' time!!!!!!!!! First, I thought it ended at 12 weeks. Then, thirteen perhaps? NOPE. Fourteen weeks starts trimester two, the fabled beautiful, pleasant energy-full trimester will be arriving in four hours. HECK YEAH.

Second, I'm unabashedly fat, and am now wearing maternity pants, which make me look even f'ing fatter, since they don't force your belly in like a harness. Awesome. You should've seen D's eyes when I walked out in them. I think it's nearly facebook announcement time, since baby is announcing his- or herself whether he's ready or not. Holy moses!

Third, I start prenatal yoga either this weekend (ideal), or Monday (significantly more likely). I have only gained a couple pounds (fluctuating between 1.8 and 2.2, so we'll call it an even 2), but I want to continue a SLOW AND STEADY weight gain, rather than blowing up now that I'm supposed to be gaining a pound a week (major sad face!), and want to do whatever I can to keep my body in good shape to help* handle the demands of labor. Plus, my bump is only cute in yoga clothes, despite the fact that I'm certain I look closer to five months pregnant than 3.5. Crap!

Happy Fourth of July weekend, everyone! Be safe!

*I am not delusional enough to think that this will help more than .01%. Don't worry.

It's official!

...some of my clothes aren't fitting too well these days. Currently, I'm rocking the hair tie around the button and through the buttonhole look to give my pants/capris a bit of extra use. I am CLEARLY not ready for maternity clothes (am I?!), and this way I don't have to buy regular clothes in larger sizes in the meantime. Bad for my budget AND my self-esteem!

I think a trip to Motherhood Maternity may be in my future, though. I was just hoping to put a trip there off until ~5-6 months when I'm clearly pregnant and when I have an idea of what size I'll need to get me through my pregnancy...right now I feel like anything I buy will be too small in...minutes? Basically.

Last night was the first night I nearly cried about my size, thinking I would never be thin again. I know this is a sentiment ALL pregnant women feel, but for only having gained ~2lbs, I sure am huge! Even my legs feel huge...where is all this coming from if I haven't put on much weight, though? Ugh.

I know it's for a good cause, and I can totally handle that. I just wish I weren't in this does-she-have-a-beer-belly-or-could-she-be-pregnant stage...it'll be cuter and easier to handle when people are certain which it is!