So far, October is rocking my socks off.
It started with a mere haircut/style change. Yet somehow, without even meaning to, it's kind of taken on a whole attitude change.
I feel like a new woman. I've bought some new makeup, painted my toenails a deep, dark plum (that almost looks black and isn't necessarily what someone would equate with me), changed my hair, and somehow, someway, it's been exactly what I needed. I know these sound like silly, superficial changes, but to me and to the rut I was stuck in, it's enough. And I feel happy :)
I would be remiss to credit only my stylist from Friday. In fact, it's a whole slew of things. My first article is up on the Pampers website, and I am proud of this. While yeah, it's basically me just doing what I do here and musing on my experience as a mom, I feel like I can officially say I write for a living, which is fulfilling for me. As much as I love nannying, when I tell people that's what I do, I frequently get either a look or a comment that probes, "But what do you ultimately want to do?" as if somehow my current career choice couldn't possibly be enough for me. Some days I get it. I'm sitting on a FAT stack of student loans, and I'm a nanny. But I love what I do, love more than anything the family I work for and with, love the feeling of contributing to another person's life so significantly and changing it for the better. I love when I see S do something that so clearly reeks of my influence, and am proud of the work I do. But, as you may have noticed given my recent foray into the writing profession, it isn't always professionally fulfilling in all aspects, particularly now that work so closely blurs the line between my time off. Anyhow, I'm proud of what I'm doing professionally right now, and I enjoy it. Dynamite combination.
I've also been cleaning out cabinets/drawers/closets/etc. Simple enough, really, but always seems to translate to decluttering my mind, and more cost-efficient than therapy. You can't go wrong organizing your home. Even if you don't feel better afterwards - though I always do - your house is clean and organized!
One thing that is contributing, though so much less than i would've expected, is something that happened a couple weekends back. D's dad called about something to do with his cell phone, and when I answered the phone, identified himself as my "father-in-law". D himself has referred to his parents and/or my parents as being our "in-laws", but somehow hearing it from D's dad made it really sink in. Maybe we're not married, but who cares. Legal status be damned, I'm his wife. I buy the sympathy cards for his family when they lose a family member. I sat next to his father at his grandfather's funeral and put my arm around him when he fought back tears. We may not have had a wedding, and of course I still want one, but to all those who matter to us, and for what it's worth, I'm his wife, and I no longer feel hurt by the idea that somehow he doesn't want me to be. That's not the reason we're not married, and I get that now.
Anyways, enough senseless rambling for a Monday! I need to get myself to work in a bit here, and until then, will be getting some writing done :) Happy, happy Monday everyone!