Happiness.

I had been planning this evening to post pictures and a little tidbit about Ava's first birthday party, which was today, but instead, I'd like to attempt the impossible and put down in words the utmost joy and happiness I feel today, so that I can always come back here to remember, if needed.

It hasn't happened for years and years now, but there was a time in my life where I thought for sure that there was no joy left in this world for me. I felt so desolate, and so alone, that I was sure that I would never feel happy again, and that there was nothing worthwhile up ahead.

And yet I sit here tonight in my home, littered with baby toys and wine glasses and half-finished novels - the signs of a meaningful and joyous existence - and now the opposite is true. In this moment, I cannot imagine that life could possibly be unhappy, or fearful, or negative. I spent the day celebrating the life of the person I love most in this world, surrounded by a family of our own making, as only one family member was actually in attendance, and it was lovely. A beautiful, perfect day, filled with baby giggles and smeared frosting and cake in chubby little skin crevices.

And while I'm not too naive to realize that bad things still do happen and no one is exempt from them, today, life is beautiful.