It's no secret that I am seriously considering never procreating again. It's not that I had a terrible pregnancy, nor is it anything Ava has done. In fact, A's practically perfection (remind me of this when it bites me in the ass later). We went to a large playgroup yesterday, and compared to all the other kids there, she was the most well-behaved, happy, content little girl in the entire group. My heart swelled with pride at how good she was, and that's more of the norm for us than the opposite (if you feel like you might vom, though, given my sugary sweetness, rest assured she can be a crazy hellion when it's just the two of us sometimes. Nobody's perfect!).
Anyhow, the point is that it's not because her behavior has scarred me for life, making me want to sew my uterus (and accompanying parts) shut and calling it a day. It's just..well, I have so many conflicting emotions about adding to our family. And, if you feel so inclined (please do!), I'd love for you all to share your thoughts, whether you have an only child, are currently thinking of adding to your family, currently are surrounded by a plethora of your own offspring, or were raised an only child. All opinions welcome and needed!
Here are a handful of reasons why I feel about 80% that A should stay an only child:
-Ava is SO good, that I feel that with the law of averages, my next baby is almost guaranteed to be Satan's baby. Like full-fledged colicky, sleep-resistant, hates-life-and-mommy baby. Eek!
-If you can't afford to add to your family in a way that allows you to live comfortably and support them (which, to me, includes contributing to their college education), you shouldn't. As it stands right now, A has a comfortable life, but this is due in large part to the fact that I have a huge support group of mamas I've babysat for that have given us things for A.
-We live in a school district I...don't love. With the housing market what it is, we're not likely going to be able to get out of our house in the next few years before A starts Kindergarten, which could mean private school. Gulp.
-I love my current job, but this is it for me. I have no dream of having this corporate career where I work my way up the ladder and make tons and tons of money. Well, that last part is in my dreams, but not because I want to be in the workforce. To me, if I couldn't take A to work with me, I wouldn't work. That's my ultimate destination. So our income will shrink before it grows (D's currently working towards a career change, though it could be lengthy..).
-I love, love, love spending time just the two of us, or three of us with David. I can focus my full attention on her when we play, and can provide her with what she needs without the guilt that I'd have if I split my (already stretched pretty dang thing) self with another.
-There is the standard how-could-I-ever-love-anyone-as-much-as-Ava thought process. I know all moms do; that the heart is an organ without a capacity, but I'm not sure how much of me I have left to give.
-I have ZERO interest in ever being pregnant again.
Then there's the opposite side to consider:
-I grew up an only child. And while I am an intelligent, well-adjusted adult now, I had to work at that last part, spending the majority of my childhood feeling alone and isolated. My social skills in middle school and even into high school needed some work, as I wasn't used to having to accommodate others, or how to interact in certain situations. It was a huge shock when I went to college. Even now, some days I just want D to go the hell away and leave me in peace and quiet to be alone and do "me" stuff. Selfish, right? I don't want A to be lonely, nor do I want her to be social maladjusted.
-If we die, I don't want her to be alone. Even if it's later in life and not untimely, I want her to have the unique social support that are sibliings.
-I hate to even allow this thought to cross my mind, but if God forbid something ever happened to her, I would still want to be a mother. I hate hate hate having even written that, but to me it is a big consideration. To counter, though, please God do not ever let me find myself in a world where Ava is not in (physical) existence.
-You know who I bugged to play with me every second that I felt lonely growing up? The adults in my life, namely my mother. Some might say the sole purpose of having more than one child is to provide them with a playmate.
What do you all think? Where do you stand? How do you feel? Please feel free to share your thoughts. Clearly I need all the help I can get!