Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Good Things.

Good things about today:

My baby is better!!!!!!!!!!
It is not Monday or Tuesday.
I got decent enough sleep.
The sun has returned and brought with it 50 degree temperatures.
I managed to get dinner started in the slow cooker before walking out the door!
Did I mention my baby is better?!?

Whew. So glad that Ava's stopped the projectile vomiting. Still a loose diaper here and there, but nothing like it was. What a huge relief. She even woke up her normal, smiling, happy know, the one that was missing this past weekend and on Monday! (The only small hitch here is that I seem to have her stomach bug and am extremely nauseated almost constantly. It's like the morning sickness I never had while pregnant.)

It's really funny: earlier I was driving to pick up S from her preschool, and for whatever reason, something triggered my memory of what it was like to do so pre-Ava. I was really worried early on in my pregnancy how I would adapt to not ever being alone, or at least not often. I really liked to be alone and spend time doing things by myself, I reasoned, and was concerned that I would miss having that time. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I also started to worry that it might feel like I was working 24/7 for the rest of my life, seeing as how my job is basically as a stand-in mommy for someone elses children. I know it sounds terrible, but I worried about it.

Now, however, as I sit here rocking my two-month-old's carrier with my foot while attempting to eat lunch and type, things look different. As I drove to S's preschool earlier, I realized how strange it would be to be alone in the car; how lonely my day-to-day activities would feel without the presence of Ava. I've still yet to leave the house without her, and I don't at all feel smothered because of it. I know that sooner or later I'm going to need to go out on my own - you should see how badly I need my hair trimmed! - but I'm just not in a hurry. The free time I coveted while pregnant now seems lonely and empty without her. And whereas I had feared I would feel like I was always on the clock, I feel quite the opposite. Work no longer feels like work, since I'm still getting to be a full-time mother at the same time, just with a slight location change.

Despite the chaos of the last two days, I love my life. I love my new version of "alone time", which often consists of me cuddled up on the couch/futon/in bed/on the floor with A. And I love my new "job".


  1. Yeah...I had much the same epiphany after M was born. I thought I'd feel boxed in, always having her around, that I'd miss going out...but I don't.

    Now all my time is spent happily at home with hubby and kiddo, watching her learn stuff!

  2. I feel the exact same way. Although i'm not linking being cooped up in the house because of the 3 feet of snow we got this month. But I love being with my son all day every day. I've only been away from him for 1 hour and I really thought I'd miss being able to get up and go anywhere I wanted at anytime. But I still can go anywhere, only now I've got company! Taking a baby out and about is not as bad as one might think. It'll be much better come Spring/Summer though! I have to go back to work in 2 weeks and leave my baby with someone else. I'm really struggling with that right now but I've gotta do it. You are extremely lucky to be able to be with Ava every day and never have to wonder if she's being taken care of and looked after!


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