Good things about today:
My baby is better!!!!!!!!!!
It is not Monday or Tuesday.
I got decent enough sleep.
The sun has returned and brought with it 50 degree temperatures.
I managed to get dinner started in the slow cooker before walking out the door!
Did I mention my baby is better?!?
Whew. So glad that Ava's stopped the projectile vomiting. Still a loose diaper here and there, but nothing like it was. What a huge relief. She even woke up her normal, smiling, happy self...you know, the one that was missing this past weekend and on Monday! (The only small hitch here is that I seem to have her stomach bug and am extremely nauseated almost constantly. It's like the morning sickness I never had while pregnant.)
It's really funny: earlier I was driving to pick up S from her preschool, and for whatever reason, something triggered my memory of what it was like to do so pre-Ava. I was really worried early on in my pregnancy how I would adapt to not ever being alone, or at least not often. I really liked to be alone and spend time doing things by myself, I reasoned, and was concerned that I would miss having that time. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I also started to worry that it might feel like I was working 24/7 for the rest of my life, seeing as how my job is basically as a stand-in mommy for someone elses children. I know it sounds terrible, but I worried about it.
Now, however, as I sit here rocking my two-month-old's carrier with my foot while attempting to eat lunch and type, things look different. As I drove to S's preschool earlier, I realized how strange it would be to be alone in the car; how lonely my day-to-day activities would feel without the presence of Ava. I've still yet to leave the house without her, and I don't at all feel smothered because of it. I know that sooner or later I'm going to need to go out on my own - you should see how badly I need my hair trimmed! - but I'm just not in a hurry. The free time I coveted while pregnant now seems lonely and empty without her. And whereas I had feared I would feel like I was always on the clock, I feel quite the opposite. Work no longer feels like work, since I'm still getting to be a full-time mother at the same time, just with a slight location change.
Despite the chaos of the last two days, I love my life. I love my new version of "alone time", which often consists of me cuddled up on the couch/futon/in bed/on the floor with A. And I love my new "job".