Earlier today, at my six-week check up, my doctor brought up the issue of birth control. That I was prepared for. What I was not prepared for, however, was the question he raised while helping me to explore my options: Do you think you'll want another baby in the next five years?
Let's rewind, say...two months. Had he asked then (not that he had to - I was telling everyone I met that this was going to be my first, and only, baby), the answer would've been absolutely not. No way, no how. Not. Happening.
Now flash forward back to the present. Faced with the question just ten short hours ago, I said the first thing that came to my mind. I said yes.
Wait, what? I'm sure half of you are shocked, and the other half are smirking to yourself and saying, 'I knew it.". To be honest, I've been giving this some thought lately. Not that it would be happening anytime soon. I'd like to be married before Ava has a sibling, ya know? But where I would never have considered it previously, I am now...open to the idea. You see, I was an only child for the first 16 years of my life, and it was terribly lonely. And I love A way too much to see her lonely.
My only reservation now is how I could ever love another the way I love Ava, but I know all parents think that, and all parents manage to find room in their hearts.
:)
ReplyDeleteI've always known I wanted more than one, but I used to think the same thing. However, I know that I can because I didn't know I could love another person as much as I love my hubby, and I do. There is no ceiling on love!
Wow you figured it out faster than I did. It took me three years to finally say "OK we are supposed to have another" when for those previous three years I had been saying "IM NEVER HAVING ANOTHER BABY EVER AGAIN!!!!" kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteI was serious as a freaking heart attack too. I did not want another kid, but the older Hannah got, the easier she got, and I realized that maybe, just maybe, not every baby sucked as bad as she did.
I get that frequently now that Marianne is older..."Are you going for number 2 soon?"
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately for me, I've been told that if I get pregnant again, I'm "pretty much guaranteed pancreatitis" again and "there's a good possibility the liver tumors will get bigger and start causing real issues."
It's terribly disheartening...we wanted at least one other kid, so Marianne would have a lil brother or sister to pick on, LOL.
Seriously, I think having a sibling teaches responsibility and trust on both sides of the fence...I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for my older brother, for good and bad.
At the same time...I'd rather Marianne not have any siblings and have a Mommy...then have siblings and no Mommy.
It's just a depressing thought sometimes.
If Marianne is all God intended for us to have...then at least He was kind and made sure she was the sweetest, best little girl ever.
I resolve not to be sad about it. It does no good to lament what you may never have, instead of being happy about what you do have.
If Marianne in the future really wants a sibling...we can adopt, or pursue other options. The future remains open...and all I can do now is enjoy my little girl to the fullest.