A Weekday in the Life of Ava.

I've recently caught a bit of grief from someone who will go unnamed about how my long hours are unfair to Ava. I think I've mentioned, but in case I haven't, I'm working long days on Tuesday and Wednesdays, with us being out of the house for 14+ hours those two days each week. And I concede that it sounds bad. But before you go passing judgment, let me just say, it's not as though I'm hauling Ava around to do manual labor, or sitting her in a stuffy office in a chair to be still and quiet all day. Sure, she's with me at "work", but when my work consists of taking her to play with her very best friends and having adventures like the LBJ Library and Museum, or an Austin Duck Adventure Tour, or a trip to the Dinosaur Museum, is she really worse off for it? In fact, those are things we'd do anyway, but rather than it just being me and her - and trust me, we do get in our wonderful mommy & Ava time - she gets to experience these things with children who've come to be like siblings to her, girls that she loves and that, through their interactions, she's been able to grow and learn so much and in unthinkable ways. Our arrangement, in fact, functions much like a Montessori set-up, with the big and little kids interacting and teaching one another skills well beyond their current stage of development. Have I mentioned Ava can write her numbers and letters? Not all of them, and not perfect, but in watching the two six-year-olds learn this skill, she's become interested and motivated as well. THESE are the things we do in our long days, as well as field trips, playing outside (including organized games that require other children and wouldn't be possible without me at my job), and her regular bath and mealtime routines. She even goes to bed there, so she's not missing out on any sleep due to my hours, and she's more flexible than most kids because of it. Basically, stick that in your pipe and smoke it, unnamed individual :P

Sorry for the rant, but when the comment was made, it really hurt my feelings. I lost some sleep and shed some tears thinking I was a bad mother, but really, what is the other option? Taking up with an office job and shipping Ava off to day care without me for long hours? Not that that's not a perfectly legit option, but since it doesn't have to be the way things are, I don't think it would be better for my particular child in comparison. We get to be together. We get to learn and play and explore both together, and with other children who we love. So I stopped losing sleep. And I've stopped feeling guilty. In fact, I think Ava's a lucky girl. Sure, I'd love to stay home with her. But that's not an option currently, and this is the next best thing for us. These are formative years. These are the years where her brain works twice as hard and is twice as active in acquiring new information, and she's getting it from so many places and from different angles than I could provide without my situation. We're blessed. And if you don't agree, that's fine, but live and let live, right?

Anyhow, here's some proof of how much Ava adores our work-life situation, in case you need it :)

Dressing up and painting nails - girl stuff dominates our time with six girls!

Enjoying the view of Lake Austin from a park on the banks, and feeding ducks :)

Working in a preschool workbook we picked up while looking for learning materials. She LOVES it!

Did I mention how wonderfully maternal and caring Ava is with little ones? Definitely benefit!

How can you not be convinced that A is a lucky, happy girl?

Hanging out with her buddies having a pajama party and winding down after a long day!

Picking out dozens of books to read before bedtime :)

Learning how to jump rope a bit ahead of schedule :)

And no matter what, we still find time just to ourselves, no matter how long the hours :)

I'm Doing My Best.

Lately, I find myself uttering the phrase, "I'm doing my best!" on a regular basis. In fact, it's become a part of my weekly repertoire when it comes to things I say to people as the answer to many a question, including how I'm adjusting to my new fall schedule, to my husband being in grad school, to Ava's sometimes never-ending tantrums and the demands of several children all day.

The other day, I was talking to another mother about Ava's sleeping schedule. Recently, she's gone from a night owl to flat out exhausted come 6PM. I attribute much of this to my newly minted fall schedule, which includes a couple of very early mornings and some long days mixed in. In fact, she's been so tired lately, I have been taking a pull-up and pajamas with me each day, feeding her dinner at ridiculous times (try 4:45!), and bathing her during the day, so that way when she inevitably falls asleep on the drive home a few days a week, we're not unprepared (I'd be lying if I said I didn't love this some nights, especially when D has class and I'm completely alone without anyone else's demands for hours. HOURS!) Anyhow, back to the topic at hand, Ava had previous been an unpredictable sleeper. She prefers to stay up later than most toddlers (she would easily go for a nightly 9pm bedtime or later if I'd allow it), needs help to fall asleep, etc. In short, while she's a low maintenance, well-behaved child, she's kind of a diva when it comes to bedtime.

The other mother I was talking to was relaying that her household was having a similar issue, with her child sometimes taking over an hour and a half to fall asleep, and ending up in their bed at night. I talked to her about how I could completely relate: Ava had slept in the pack-n-play in our room for the first five months, and then we chose to co-sleep from that point on. While that was a choice I still do not regret, it's been anything but the easy choice. Because of my opposition to allowing A to cry it out, we chose a gentler method for our bedtime routine, most frequently where one of us would lay with her (me, usually, nursing her) until she fell asleep peacefully and without crying and other stressful emotions. To this day, despite the presence of a full-sized bed in her own big girl room, we continue to co-sleep.

Now here's the point where I interject that I still do not regret that decision. The time that we've spent cuddled up to our daughter, sleeping peacefully together as a family, is time that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I adore her sweet little snores, the way that she twirls my hair in her sleep, and her natural tendency to gravitate towards me in her sleep. I feel certain that our co-sleeping practice is one of the reasons that Ava and I are so close, and why our breastfeeding relationship lasted as long as it did. But...

For all the times that I've patted myself on the back, I've wondered just as many if I'm screwing Ava up by catering to her sleeping whims like this. If she wouldn't be better off having been allowed to cry it out and work through it herself. If I'm doing the wrong thing.

Isn't that term scary? The "wrong thing", that is. As parents, we face choices for the sake and futures of our children on a daily basis. Whether it's regarding what they're eating, how they're sleeping, who they're friends with, how you've handled their temper tantrums (and they ALL have them, take it from me!), we're so concerned with doing things right and avoiding doing the dreaded "wrong thing" that will send our kids to therapy and cause them to hate us well beyond their teenage years.

The point to this long-winded drivel? Whether or not you co-sleep or allow your child to cry it out, breastfeed or formula feed, allow our children processed food or not, and so on and so forth, we are all doing our very best. Coming from someone who once worked for Child Protective Services, believe me when I say that the vast majority of parents are feeling this out through trial-and-error and doing the very best with what they have to work with. Despite our own personal feelings towards what is "right" when it comes to parenting, there's no one answer. In short, we're all doing our very best (with the obvious exception of a few standout situations, such as child abuse and neglect, etc - obviously.).

Before I was a parent, and especially with being a nanny and having an inside view of the parenting ideologies of other parents, it was easy to judge. I'd see a mom handling a tantrum in the grocery store a certain way and, in typical childless fashion, make a mental note of how I would "never" do that. You know, like when I carried Ava, kicking and screaming, from Target? Yeah, I thought that certainly my child would never behave in a way that necessitated that. Or the time that I bribed her with candy to get her into her car seat after another said fit in a public place because I was so completely worn out from handling the situation that I would have bought her a baby Hummer if that was her request to make it end. Or how I nursed my fully-grown toddler not only past her first year, but past her second, and allow her to sleep in our bed? Yeah, I'd "never" do that ;)

My point, though I'm currently taking a while to arrive there (sorry!), is to be kind to your fellow mothers. Or, if you're childless, consider karma before you give the evil eye to a mom who is struggling to handle their overtired two-year-old - ha! We're all in the same boat. We've all (barring those with round-the-clocks nannies, chefs, and a plethora of home employees) had a child fall completely apart in public. We've all been up five times in one night with a deadline looming and a cold coming on. We've all had a baby on our hip, dinner burning on the stove and the phone ringing. So the next time you see a  parent unraveling in front of you, cut them some slack. Or, better yet, lend them a helping, non-judgmental hand. Chances are, they're doing their best.

Plug & Play Austin: My Morning Off!

Plug & Play Austin, a new space catering to parents looking to get some work done while their children are actively engaged in play and learning activmties in Reggio Emilia-based "classrooms", recently opened up in Northwest Austin, and as soon as I heard about the concept, I just knew that it would be a great fit for my needs.

As a freelance writer, local blogger and full-time mother, I have many hats to wear. My life is a giant juggling act, and given that for the above three labels, I work from home (I also work outside of the home, but that's another story entirely!), I have a hard time finding balance at home. Though working at home is doable, it's certainly not ideal, as any woman who has ever sat down to work and then remembered the laundry sitting in the dryer for the third day in a row can attest to.

Enter Plug & Play. This gorgeous, open space had been created with the working parent in mind, with conference rooms, comfy nooks with lap desks to create a more home-y feel (that's where I worked and it was lovely!), private, curtained desks, a work bar (bar as in long bar table, not the booze kind, much to my productivity's relief!), and many other varieties of work spaces where you can conduct a conference call, hold a meeting for your start-up, blog, work on freelance writing assignments, and much, much more (Confession: While I did work a significant portion of my time there, I may or may not have also completed my college pick 'em entry. Priorities, y'all!)!

Here are a few of the comfy spaces you can choose from to work:

There is also a fully equipped media center, complete with printer/fax/scanner for any needs that may arise during your visit. And, if you happen to be working through a meal, why not heat up your lunch at the microwave on hand? 

As for the childcare portion, I'm hesitant to even refer to it as childcare. The structured schedule, which includes time for art, music, learning centers, quiet time, snacks and lunch and more, is far more reminiscent of a preschool classroom, and is separated into age groups for developmentally appropriate activities. Ava was in the 2-5 class, which I loved, since she is so interested in older kids and I am a big advocate for classrooms set up in large age groupings! What better way for a younger child to learn a new skill or become interested in a slightly advanced concept than by being motivated by their older peers? I truly cannot say enough good things about this style of classroom.

The class itself was founded on the beliefs of the Reggio Emilia school of thought, of which some major tenants include a focus on children engaging all of their senses in the learning process, giving children some control over the direction of their learning, and encouraging the endless ways in which children can express themselves.

I think we all can admit that I'm a bit of a granola parent in my take on things, and - given that she's safe and healthy - allow Ava to express herself in an abundance of ways and engage her learning through active exploration of our community, so this was a great fit for us. It was also A's first "classroom" experience and time in the care of someone other than me, David or his parents, so it was a big morning for us!

As for my productivity, I will admit to having a hard time hunkering down and working. For a mom who so frequently has time to herself, it was tempting to spend a couple of glorious hours on Facebook, but instead I chose to get my work done and was able to get a ton of posts and little projects that needed my full attention (rather than the half attention I can give when working at home) completed! It's easy to forget how much we can accomplish when our entire attention is focused on just that, instead of that, your child(ren), your DVR, the laundry, that pesky stain on the carpet, etc!

Another thing that really stood out to me about my time at Plug & Play was how respected as a working individual I felt. It's so common for those who work-at-home to be pigeonholed as not having "real" jobs and not having their time and contribution respected by others, so to have an entire community of members that recognize that was such a refreshing feeling. Everyone there that morning - and there were about five other women) was respectful of each other's need for space and quiet, and yet  you didn't feel isolated or alone the way you can at home. In short, I was impressed.

If you're interested in experiencing Plug & Play for yourself, you'd be wise to contact the extremely congenial and lovely Amy Braden, who owns and operates the space. If you're not sold yet on membership, I should mention they have a refreshment station that has candy and coffee! I should mention that you're able to come in and try it out for yourself for free!

As for Ava's take on the whole experience, well, I'll let you see for yourself!

That's one satisfied little customer!

Thank you so much to Plug & Play for allowing us to come and visit for a couple of hours! Ava has talked about nothing else since and feels like such a big girl for going to "school", and I got some much needed work done! We can't wait to visit again!!!