Happy Two Months, Ava!

Holy moly! My baby is two months old! This is exciting (we're 2/3 of the way to the three-month hallmark where supposedly sleep comes easier!!), shocking (she's TWO MONTHS OLD already?!!?), and terrifying (SIDS peaks between 2-4 months). Not only that, but tomorrow we have her two-month well-check visit, where she'll get her first round of DTaP, polio, HIB and prevnar vaccinations. I'm not sure who's going to cry more - her, or me :( The smart money is on me.

Some pics of my little lovebug this pasr week/weekend:

Control Yourself!

It's come to my attention that it is time for me to choose a post-baby form of birth control. Ugh. I've been dreading this since last spring (though clearly apathy is NOT the right choice here!).

My options are pretty limited while I'm breastfeeding. They consist of:

*The Mini-Pill
*The Shot
*Condoms
*An IUD

(Notice that breastfeeding [Lactational Amenorrhea Method] is absent from this list. That is because I have found many mixed opinions on the effectiveness of this method. While breastfeeding is supposedly 99% effective as long as you're exclusively breastfeeding, your baby is under six months of age and your period has not returned, I just don't feel it's real-world failure rate is that low, and will NOT be placing the possibility of another little Baby B in the hands of a faulty method!)

*The Mini-Pill (AKA the progesterone-only pill):
If you've had excellent luck with combination birth control pills, and can remember to take it at the EXACT same time every day, this is a great choice. I, however, got pregnant with little miss Ava on Yaz, and so a pill that is both less effective and more sensitive to any fluctuation in when you take it is not a great option for me. Dr. R even pointed this fact out at my 6-week appointment. Thanks, buddy.

*The Shot (AKA Depo-Provera):
Highly effective shot administered every three months. Sounds great, right? Nothing to remember everyday, nothing to worry about, etc. The cons, though, bum me out. Not only is it the form of birth control most highly associated with weight gain, it also requires doctors visits and shots (ick!) every three months, and can cause some pretty intense moodiness (I'm not sure how I feel about three months worth of hormones floating around in my system!) That being said, it works great with no side effects for a lot of ladies. I'm just not sure I want to be one of them!

*Condoms. Enough said.

*An IUD. This seems to be my best option, but I'm still quite skeptical. For anyone who doesn't know, an IUD is a little device inserted into your uterus to live until you're ready for a(nother) baby. It can be left there for 5-10 years, and requires no maintenance whatsoever. When you're ready, you just go in and have it taken out (both insertion and removal require an office visit), and voila! You can get pregnant again right away. I'm sure the many benefits are obvious: ease of use, long-lasting, immediate fertility upon removal, etc. What I'm interested in hearing firsthand is actual user experiences. Do you love yours? Hate it? Any side effects you wish you had known about beforehand? How was the insertion/removal? My doctor did warn me that while the insertion can be slightly painful generally, that it may be worse for me (and anyone else who has had a c-section) since my body has technically never had a baby. Interesting...

Anyhow, I'd love to hear any and all IUD experiences, both good and bad! If you don't feel comfortable sharing in a comment, feel free to email me at unexpectedlyexpectingbaby@gmail.com. Thanks, ladies!

Good Things.

Good things about today:

My baby is better!!!!!!!!!!
It is not Monday or Tuesday.
I got decent enough sleep.
The sun has returned and brought with it 50 degree temperatures.
I managed to get dinner started in the slow cooker before walking out the door!
Did I mention my baby is better?!?

Whew. So glad that Ava's stopped the projectile vomiting. Still a loose diaper here and there, but nothing like it was. What a huge relief. She even woke up her normal, smiling, happy self...you know, the one that was missing this past weekend and on Monday! (The only small hitch here is that I seem to have her stomach bug and am extremely nauseated almost constantly. It's like the morning sickness I never had while pregnant.)

It's really funny: earlier I was driving to pick up S from her preschool, and for whatever reason, something triggered my memory of what it was like to do so pre-Ava. I was really worried early on in my pregnancy how I would adapt to not ever being alone, or at least not often. I really liked to be alone and spend time doing things by myself, I reasoned, and was concerned that I would miss having that time. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I also started to worry that it might feel like I was working 24/7 for the rest of my life, seeing as how my job is basically as a stand-in mommy for someone elses children. I know it sounds terrible, but I worried about it.

Now, however, as I sit here rocking my two-month-old's carrier with my foot while attempting to eat lunch and type, things look different. As I drove to S's preschool earlier, I realized how strange it would be to be alone in the car; how lonely my day-to-day activities would feel without the presence of Ava. I've still yet to leave the house without her, and I don't at all feel smothered because of it. I know that sooner or later I'm going to need to go out on my own - you should see how badly I need my hair trimmed! - but I'm just not in a hurry. The free time I coveted while pregnant now seems lonely and empty without her. And whereas I had feared I would feel like I was always on the clock, I feel quite the opposite. Work no longer feels like work, since I'm still getting to be a full-time mother at the same time, just with a slight location change.

Despite the chaos of the last two days, I love my life. I love my new version of "alone time", which often consists of me cuddled up on the couch/futon/in bed/on the floor with A. And I love my new "job".

Dear Tuesday.

Truth be told, you may be certifiably worse than Monday. In fact, I'm sure you are.

Let's see. She slept great - in bed by 10pm, and awake by 10:15am, with three nursing breaks in between. No biggie. She fell asleep again after each with ease, so mommy got some good rest. That's where the good news ends, though.

First off, we're in the middle of a real live snowstorm. Is it the same as what those up North are getting? Of course not. But we have actual snow accumulation here in Austin, Texas, which is pretty dang noteworthy. In fact, there were over two inches on the ground at my house when I went running out the door this morning. Why'd I go running out the door? My darling little baby is sick :(

Sick may not be the right word, since the doc found no evidence of respiratory infection and her chest was clear. Both great news, and I am SO thankful. She is, however, projectile vomiting everytime she eats. She also has a touch of diarrhea, hinting at a little baby virus. Poor darling :( It breaks my heart. Luckily, she's in great spirits and even smiled at the doctor. And she has no ear infection, which is also a relief.

Anyhow, back to racing out the door. In a snowstorm. With my sick baby. Without showering or eating a bite (which is nominal compared to everything else!). Despite having a large SUV, I don't have 4WD, thanks to everyone assuring me that I'd never need it in Texas (ha!), nor do I have snow tires (self-explanatory, I'm sure). Therefore, thanks to our complete lack of preparation for these conditions (and by our, I mean the state of Texas, not myself and D), I had to do about 30 down the highway to avoid skidding or being pummeled by these dumbass Texas drivers. Not only did it take me an hour to get to the doctor (thank you weather + traffic), who when I called said just get here as soon as you can and I'll check her out (he's awesome), but I also left my wallet. Luckily, he didn't care. The parking people, however, did, and I had to fill out a promise to pay for a $2.00 charge. Seriously?

From there I went racing to pick S up from preschool, making it only slightly late and therefore parking my car in what doesn't technically constitute a spot. No biggie, right? I don't follow the rules of parking all that closely on a regular basis, so I wasn't worried. I just got my sick baby out in her carseat and hauled her into the school, cursing under my breath the entire day for still having to work - more on that later. I grabbed S and all her stuff, juggling the carseat and the bajillion doors at the school, and headed back to my car to find...a parking ticket. F off, APD. I hate you guys.

Then, right as I was about to hit the Sonic drive-thru, I remembered that it was Tuesday. AKA gymnastics. AKA no breakfast/lunch for me until at least 2:15. Only when my boss called to say that her flight back from NYC this evening was canceled and I would need to work late tonight and early tomorrow did I finally lose my shit and call off gymnastics for a much needed break. S, A & I are now all hanging out, watching cartoons and eating ice cream (well, A's eating ice cream vicariously through my breastmilk, but you know what I mean).

And yeah, I know I can't have ice cream, but I'm pretty sure God will let it slide considering the day I'm having.

Dear Monday,

I hate you.

Today's not going so well. In fact, I'm pretty certain mommy was in need of a cocktail around 9AM (Kidding, but you know the sentiment!).

First off, that gorgeous day yesterday? Apparently it was an anomaly, with today being in the 30's & 40's, and 2-4 inches of snow expected between tonight and tomorrow night. Excuse me, what?!?! This is Austin, not Boston. Geeeeeeeeez.

Second, Ava has reverted to some old sleeping habits this weekend - just refusing to go to sleep. The funny thing is that she's ready for bed at 8:30, and so I try to put her down, and basically spend three hours continuously putting her pacifier back in. Last night, I think it was after midnight. WTH! I'm so exhausted, and not feeling quite myself, and I'm not feeling any better on no sleep. On top of that, I've had some trouble putting her back down after the 2/3AM feeding here and there, something that never happened before.

THIRD, Ava has been Princess Fussypants the past couple of days. I swear, she's cried more in the past 48 hours than she has the past eight weeks. It makes me very sad, and also more than a little on edge. If it keeps up through tonight and into tomorrow, I'm taking her into her pediatrician since it's just SO unlike her. She doesn't have a fever, but she really seems to not feel herself. One of my ears is bothering me, so I'm starting to wonder if it's that. Also, my mom had two teeth at two months, so I keep checking her mouth just in case it's that - from what I've experienced with teething, it would make complete sense. I just really hope she's not cutting teeth this early...that would pose a breastfeeding catastrophe!

Anyhow, I just needed to vent. I'm sleepy, cold, REALLY MISS SWEETS!!!!!!!!!!, and look like crap because homegirl wouldn't nap for long enough for me to take my hair out of a ponytail, let alone put on makeup and coordinate my clothes.

Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

Baby's First Playdate & Other Fun Things!

Ava had her first playdate this past Thursday evening at the home of a woman I previously worked for and now consider a friend. She has a 4.5-year-old and a nearly nine-month-old. Check it out:





She had a great time and was so interested in the two girls. I think it's so sweet how children intuitively recognize other children as being like them. So cute!

Then on Friday Ava and I met up with her godfather for lunch - how adorable! We were very happy to have the chance to visit with him, especially considering he works just two buildings from where the big plane crash was on Thursday. We are so very, very thankful that he is safe!


Here are some other pics from the past few days:

Ava's new swing:


Cute pink boots!


Bathtime baby:


Reading Millie Moo with mommy:


Basically the cutest little kiddo ever:


Happy Weekend! It is a GORGEOUS day in Austin, Texas, with this year's first 80 degree temps. Our windows are open and wafting in is the delicious smell of BBQ chicken and bacon-wrapped, jalapenos :) I love weekends!

Sad Story.

(Don't worry - this is not the kind of sad story that makes you go and hug your sleeping baby a little tighter (not that you shouldn't!). I do not tell those kinds of stories, nor do I like to read them. I know the what-ifs, and drilling them into my head everyday surely isn't helping me to sleep any better at night. Praying for Ava's safety and thanking God for the miracle that is my little one, however, is.)

Fortunately this did not happen to me. Unfortunately, it did happen to someone I know.

Many of my readers know what it is like to pump, day after day, some several times a day, to store up milk for nights out, days away, work. It's tedious, uncomfortable and a total pain in the ass, am I right? C'mon, I can't be the only one that feels that way. I love to nurse, but Lord I hate to pump.

Well, what I'm sure you can't imagine (since my own personal mind has blocked this thought as it's too painful and upsetting to me!) is having your freezer DIE. Yep - a friend of mine told me a horror story last night while on our baby playdate (more on that later!) about how when her first daughter was two months old, she wandered downstairs one day to find her freezer, well, unfrozen. She lost her entire stockpile of breastmilk.

This mom said it was one of her darkest days, with her not getting out of bed and spending the rest of the day crying over, well, spoiled milk.

While I wouldn't have understood the full horror of this incident pre-baby, I DO NOW. I wouldn't have even been able to make it to bed before my meltdown. I'd still be in a puddle on the kitchen floor.

Makes you want to go downstairs and hug your freezer/breast pump/electrician, doesn't it?

Success!

I am extremely happy to report that in the past week, I've succeeded in moving Ava's bedtime from the wee hours of the morning, to between 9 & 10PM! Tonight was her earliest bedtime to date, with her falling asleep minutes before 9PM! Hooray!

Whereas I'm up feeding her having already gotten 3.5 hours of sleep, before last week I may have still been awake fighting to get her to bed. I am so enormously thankful for this!

Now if only D's snoring could be extinguished so quickly...

What a Beautiful Day.

Today in Austin looks much like...well, how days in Austin should look. It's 65, clear, and sunny - does wonders for the mood and energy of the city! Finally having the opportunity, I took Ava down to Town Lake for a nice 3-mile walk along the trail and a chance for mommy to exercise with a few of my newly-acquired mommy friends (Thank you, Austin Pregnancy & New Mom meetup group!)



Anyhow, after our walk around the lake, one of Austin's most beautiful natural treasures, we headed over to Butler Park near the Long Center in order to kill some time and so little A could see the fountains. Naturally, she slept through both experiences! Mommy feels fantastic, though, having gotten both some exercise and some fresh air :)



Happy Thursday everyone!

P.S. I miss sugar something fierce!

Lent.

As you all know, I was raised Mormon. After much soul-searching and church-visiting last year, however, I chose to make the switch to Episcopalian, as their beliefs more closely mirrored my own, and I had not been an actively participating Mormon, well...ever. Anyhow, though I had known many people who observed Lent, I have never practiced it myself, nor have I been too familiar with the principles and practices involved. This year changes that.

Seeing as how this is my first Lent, my first year in charge of another's spiritual education, and my first year as an active and practicing Episcopalian, I chose to go all out. Oh yes, my friends. It's not enough that because I'm breastfeeding, I am still abstaining from alcohol. And dairy, in fact, due to my lactation consultant's suggestion. And caffeine. Nor is it enough that due to my current life situation with a newborn at home, I am having to forcibly abstain from a decent night's sleep. Nope. I decided more torture was needed when deciding on my Lenten sacrifice, and decided to give up sweets. Broad, right? Let me break it down for you a bit more clearly. I cannot have:

*Cookies
*Cupcakes
*Brownies
*Cake
*Candy
*Ice Cream

I may still have:

*Sugar-free hot chocolate
*Sugar-free jell-o pudding
*100 calorie packs

I know that may sound odd, but a.) those don't qualify as the same type of sweets that, say, creme brulee does, and b.) if I have to give up those three as well, I am setting myself up for a quick failure when I have my first craving. Trust me - it's a major diet change. I have a sweet tooth to rival cookie monster, and probably eat nearly as many cookies. I'm also hoping to come out the other side of this Lenten season several pounds lighter!

Wish me luck!

My Little Roly Poly.

Ava did something that shocked the pants off me today - she rolled over from her tummy to her back!!!!

A bit of tummy time...


We've got lift off!


And there she goes!


(I wasn't able to capture it on film, since I had no expectation of her rolling over anytime soon!!! I'm trying to get a picture of the actual event soon!)

Valentine's/7 Weeks!

First things first: Happy 7 weeks, Ava!



Yesterday was A's first Valentine's day (obviously!), and she got the cutest little hoodie from her great-grandma, and books and an outfit from mom & dad. We love our littlest Valentine SO much, and are so blessed to have her in our lives!



At seven weeks, Ava has become such a little doll. Her personality is coming out more and more, and she seems happier than ever! Whereas she smiled mainly upon waking up in the morning before, she's now doling out smiles to the two of us all day long, and making some cute little coos and squeals to go with them. I absolutely love hearing her little baby voice and the adorable sounds it makes, and love that she's starting to interact a little bit and make happy noises. Happy Ava = happy mommy! Ava is almost 23" long!!!!!!!! Geeeeeeeez, kid. You'll be taller than I am by the time you're four at this rate! She's also roughly 10.5lbs, judging by the super official weigh-me-then-weigh-her method. That sounds pretty big to me, but I've been assured it's not, and she can still squeeze her cutie patooty into the occasional newborn outfit and all of her newborn onesies, so I guess she may actually be on the smaller side (or at least it's distributed that way due to her height?).





Seven week pictures to come later on tonight, when I'm not at work on this beautiful sunny day with both girls and their respective playdates here. That's right. I have in my care today FIVE LITTLE GIRLS. Nothing like starting Monday off with a bang!

On a related note, for those of you yet to go back to work, or who stay at home and are wondering what being a working mom is like, let me fill you in:

You know you're a working mom when...

...your first meal consists of a three-year-olds lunch leftovers because it's your only chance to eat so far.

...you don't realize your shirt is on inside out until after lunch.

...forgetting to put your breast pads in and having to borrow one of your boss's shirts while you throw yours in with the kids' laundry.

...taking a three-year-old to the potty ten times before you find time to go yourself. My previously teensy tiny bladder can now go four to five hours without emptying thanks to the demands of three children and managing the D's household and errands, amongst my own personal life.

...doing two loads of laundry and running the dishwasher five times...at the D's. Having my own laundry and dishes neglected because it's the last thing I want to do at the end of the day.

...never having a single complaint just the same, because I know how amazingly fortunate it is that I can have the freedom of my own job and income while still spending my every waking moment with my baby girl and getting to nurse her from the breast round the clock!

For those of you still reading, thank you. I know this is a long-winded post, but before I sign off for the day (until I post pics later!), I'd just like to take a second to say thank you to all my fellow mommy bloggers. I have been fortunate enough to have "met" many other mommies with babies all around the same ages (some only a day or so apart from A!) through our blogs, and have really come to rely on them for many things, from advice to comedic relief to just the support that comes from knowing that they're going/have gone through the same thing, and that yes, this too shall pass. I value your input through the comments you leave, and enjoy reading all of your posts! Thank you ladies for all you do, and congratulations on your beautiful families :)

A Day At Work (In Photos).

Sleeping in!


Rocking out..


Happy baby (after a wardrobe change thanks to a poo explosion!)


S, the little babysmoocher:


Rest Time...


Brownie Batter!


The finished Valentine's brownies for the D's:


Such a good napper!


My little helper!


Painting Valentine's pictures...


Long day...happy to be home!

This Week (In Photos).

I'm sure it's becoming more and more obvious when my computer falls victim to the stupid, un-clearable virus since I go days and days without posting pics, but I'm trying to get some up each time it decides to cooperate :)

What a fantastic daddy!


Such a cute face!


Visiting dad's office!


Princess Fussypants (she HATED that hat, but it's COLD!)


On the go again!


My little sweet stuff!


Baby Uggs to help brave the elements!


Sad face :(


The elusive, camera-shy smile briefly captured!


Sleephead!

Couch to 5K.

This is exactly what I need/have been looking for to help me break into running. This loks totally feasible and healthy, not to mention with it only being 30 minutes, 3 times per week, I'm sure I can find that kind of time without being away from A too often. I've still yet to be away from her AT ALL. Yep, I'm serious.

Anyhow, here's where you can find more info on the program: Couch to 5K, Cool Running

Click here for a list of runs going on in Texas and surrounding areas (Broad, I know!). I'm thinking of signing up for the ASH Bunny Run on 4/3 for an untimed trial and practice, and then the Schlotzky's Bun Run for my first timed 5K on 5/2 :)

Happy running, ladies!

Our Little Party Girl.

Little A has adopted the sleep schedule of Courtney Love. Up half the night - usually until 1 or 2AM!! - then sleeping alllll day long. Somedays she won't have awake time until the clocks rolls over into PM territory. Wtf.

Before I get berated for letting this happen, let me assure you that it is NOT for lack of trying. Trying to wake this little one up is futile - I may wake her for a second by irritating the hell out of her, but she goes right back to sleep. And who can blame her?! She's tired from her little party girl schedule! Unfortunately, however, I'm not at a point in my life where I can keep up with that kind of schedule (I'm not a college student for Christ's sake!), and so I've been consulting just about every imaginable source (books, internet, friends, family, strangers at S's gymnastics class...) for suggestions and advice on how to move kiddo's schedule up several hours. I know she's capable of night sleep, since once she's down she wakes only to eat, and usually without even opening her eyes, and she naps like a champ, which I find both encouraging and deeply frustrating.

Most people have confirmed that this type of night owl behavior is quite normal and common amongst babies this young, but I would like to do what I can to encourage healthier sleep habits if possible, and so I've gathered some ideas:

*Since she sleeps so deeply in her car seat during the day, it's been suggested that I put her in there when she's drowsy and I want her to fall asleep for the night, and then transfer her to her bed when she's deeply enough asleep. (If your baby sleeps deeply elsewhere, like a swing or bouncer, sub that item for the car seat. This applies to everything except having him/her fall asleep in your arms.)

*Put baby in their crib/bassinet/wherever you're trying to ultimately put them down for the night, and then help soothe them to sleep while they're laying there. (I DO NOT mean to have them cry-it-out while supervised. Babies before 4-6 months are not capable of self-soothing themselves to sleep.)

Last night I tried the latter with Ava, putting her down in her bassinet at 10PM with a full belly and looking pretty drowsy. She stayed asleep when I laid her down, but predictably woke up within five minutes fussing. I put her pacifier back in her mouth, and she fell back to sleep. A few minutes later, the same thing. This went on until 11:00, with her going longer and longer between the pacifier falling out and/or her fussing, and eventually at 11:15, she no longer woke up when it fell out and slept until she was ready to eat at 2:30.

Was it a long hour and fifteen minutes? Yep. Was it a hell of a lot shorter than holding her until she falls asleep, trying to lay her down and then inevitably picking her back up over and over into the wee hours of the night? Yep! Did we all get more rest of better quality than we ever have? YEP. Is it laying the foundation for better long-term sleep habits? Most definitely. She also then went a dive-hour stretch without eating, and then a four. Yay!

Here's hoping this method will take less and less time as we try it again each night!

Gotta Love Three-Year-Olds!

On the walk back from P's bus stop today, a woman stopped us and asked the girls if they had a baby brother or sister (she was in the sling). Since explaining the dynamics of our little foursome is...complicated...we all just replied, "Sister."

Just now, while playing upstairs, that exchange must have still been lingering on S's mind, as she asked me, "Who is Ava's big sister?"

"She doesn't have a big sister," I said, "but maybe if I have another baby someday she'll have a little baby brother or sister and BE a big sister!"

"When you get rid of that baby?" she asked.

Hahaha. I tried to explain to her that you don't 'get rid' of babies, but rather they grow up into big girls and boys, but I'm still pretty sure she's under the impression that ill someday get rid of Ava in exchange for a big girl and a 'new' baby. Hilarious.

Seconds?

Earlier today, at my six-week check up, my doctor brought up the issue of birth control. That I was prepared for. What I was not prepared for, however, was the question he raised while helping me to explore my options: Do you think you'll want another baby in the next five years?

Let's rewind, say...two months. Had he asked then (not that he had to - I was telling everyone I met that this was going to be my first, and only, baby), the answer would've been absolutely not. No way, no how. Not. Happening.

Now flash forward back to the present. Faced with the question just ten short hours ago, I said the first thing that came to my mind. I said yes.

Wait, what? I'm sure half of you are shocked, and the other half are smirking to yourself and saying, 'I knew it.". To be honest, I've been giving this some thought lately. Not that it would be happening anytime soon. I'd like to be married before Ava has a sibling, ya know? But where I would never have considered it previously, I am now...open to the idea. You see, I was an only child for the first 16 years of my life, and it was terribly lonely. And I love A way too much to see her lonely.

My only reservation now is how I could ever love another the way I love Ava, but I know all parents think that, and all parents manage to find room in their hearts.

Just Another Manic Monday.

This morning was my six-week postpartum visit (Happy 6 weeks, A!). It also happened to be the morning of the worst downpour I have ever driven in, and also the latest I have ever slept through my alarm. Oops!

The doctor's visit went well. I am cleared to begin training for whichever run I end up participating in this spring. While I'm anxious to get my abs back, I'm not so psyched about actually having to put forth the effort, but I digress. In other good news, I've lost all my baby weight. At this rate, ill breastfeed forever! I suddenly understand the skinny women with a two-year-old attached to their breast ;)

Now that we've knocked that appointment out of the way, it's off to Barnes & Noble and the post office to send my littlest sister's birthday gift (only two weeks late :/), and then time to go to work! Four and a half weeks until Spring Break!

Question for Runners.

Remember how back when I was pregnant and desperate for some freedom and outlet from the physical discomfort of pregnancy, I vowed to run the Capitol 10K in April?!? You do? Damn. I mean, I'm not trying to wuss out, but 10K? I hardly have the energy to run and check the mail today!

Ok, in all seriousness, though, I need some advice/a pep talk from all you seasoned runners out there. For those of you who know me well, you know I'm a walker, at best, so this is a big goal for me. Here's my big question: Can I train for a 10K in 9 weeks after not having exercised a single muscle in my body in over six months, and after having a c-section five and a half weeks ago? If so, what kind of training regimen/diet/lifestyle changes do I need to adopt?! Lastly, if anyone reading is in the Austin area, would you be interested in training/running the 10K with me? I need some support, ladies!

Confessions.

I have a second blog, that was started lonnnnnnng before I was pregnant, if anyone's interested. I have been neglecting it since my pregnancy began, but am starting to tend to it more frequently in the hopes of having a non-baby writing outlet :)

Confessions of a Former Nanny

Striking A Balance.

I wish I could tell you that this is a post about how I've found a happy medium when it comes to caring for Ava, but rather it's one asking you, dear readers, how you've found/are finding yours.

You see, I find myself constantly conflicted. Am I holding her enough? Am I holding her too often? If I let her cry for 30 seconds while I finish going to the bathroom, will she feel abandoned and become insecure? Should I allow her to cry just for a moment to make sure she can handle not always experiencing immediate gratification? You would think as a child development major I would know all the answers, and regarding the research, I'm pretty well versed. I actually assisted a very prominent attachment researcher in her lab my senior year, and wrote on some of her papers. BUT, sometimes the practical application of this information oresents a conflict, and leaves me wondering what I should do.

Just this morning, I had her sitting next to me in her favorite pillow while I pumped. She was half dozing/half watching me pump with the same why-is-that-thing-stealing-my-milk look she always gives. When I finished, I faced the same dilemma I do every day. Should I pick her up and hold her, or leave her in the pillow? I wasn't doing anything that would require me to have my arms free, and the way she looked at me with those big blue-brown eyes made me feel like she was wishing to snuggle. But then again, shouldn't I let a calm baby lie?

So I ask - how do you strike a good balance to where you can feel good about what you're doing? Or is part of motherhood never feeling 100% confident?

Ava's New Pediatrician.

This morning was Ava's first appointment with Dr. Halden, her new pediatrician, and I cannot say enough good things! This visit really made me realize how much Dr. Kibler was doing wrong.

First off, I was seen...(drumroll, please!)...immediately! No joke. That was awesome. The nurse was great and of course, her constant flattering of how 'darling' Ava is didn't hurt anything :) Ava is now weighing in at 9lbs, 9oz and is 22 inches long! When the nurse saw that she was 19 inches at birth and 21 a week later, she said that they had probably mismeasured when she was born due to her being all compact from being squished inside so long, and that chances are she was 21 inches when she was born, which I had wondered about. Either way, homegirl is tall! She must be getting that from her dad!

When Dr Halden came in, he was very kind and really took his time examining her. He listened to her heart and lungs and looked at her eyes, ears, throat and nose (none of which Dr. K had ever bothered to do!), and they all checked out perfect. Sadly, he gave her the second Hep B vaccine, which was awful to watch! I think I may have cried as much as she did :(

About the reflux - Dr. Halden simply said that babies spit up. As long as she's a 'happy spitter' and doesn't appear in pain or become colicky, and as long as she's gaining weight, he sees no need to address is with medication. That's much more what I was thinking as well. He said kudos on the breastfeeding and sent me on my way, telling me to return in a month for her big round of shots. I let him know about my vaccine allergy since her DTaP is coming up, and he said while he finds it slightly concerning, that he'll be prepared for any adverse reaction, and that the benefits of the shot far outweigh the miniscule possibility that she might have a reaction, since only 3 or 4 out of the millions of babies vaccinated per year have the reaction I did. Either way, I'll be dragging D along for moral support since I'm so ridiculously nervous about it.

All in all, a successful switch! I'm quite satisfied. We were in and out in 25 minutes with all my questions answered. I also really like that he talked to her through everything. He'd say, "Ok Ava, I'm going to look in those beautiful eyes now. And no, I don't say that to all the ladies." Pretty nice guy!

Bad News.

This morning started out decently enough. Ava was up for a bit from 4-5 due to some explosive diapers, but otherwise slept well. I was able to get some extra sleep also, and had the motivation to get out of bed before she woke up to grab a few minutes to myself. Not a bad way to start the day! Then, I got an email.

As it turns out, the littlest of the two girls I watch is going to be in school full-time M-Th in the fall (until 2:30 each day), and my schedule only has me working until 4:30 each day, which, if you do the math, leaves me with a full day Friday and 8 hours between the other four. Even with the one to two mornings I make myself available to run errands such as grocery shopping, ill end up with 25 hours per week, max. While the D's had mentioned the possibility of this in the future, I didn't expect it to come so soon, and am deeply saddened both by the prospect of not getting to spend as much time with S & P, and by what this means for me with regards to work. I have every intention of staying on with them as long as I can find something to supplement a couple mornings where I can take Ava. Luckily I have been given a lot of advance notice to start scouting my options and have seven months before anything changes, but I am definitely worried about what will happen if I cannot find supplemental work :(

It seems as though little A has picked up on my sad mood, though, and has been smiling nonstop this morning to cheer me up!

Plus, Lost premieres tonight, and how can anyone be sad about that?!

5 Weeks!

How is it possible that my little munchkin is already five weeks old? Eek!

She is learning and growing so much everyday. In the past five weeks, she's learned to hold her head up on her own for long periods of time, turn her head from side to side, track objects/people with her eyes, and smile! She's still only smiling here and there, and I can't wait until she's doing it more frequently, and laughing little baby laughs!

Ava is still wearing NB onesies and dresses, but 0-3 month sleepers and pants since she's so long. I'll be curious to see her height at the new doctor's office on Wednesday! She's also officially now in size 1 diapers!

She's also having less issues with reflux, even without the medicine. I've been giving her gas meds, since I stopped taking the ones I was given post c-section right around the time she started having issues with spit-up, and they seem to really be helping. Perhaps she was just suffering from a little baby gas :)

Here are some more pics to brighten this gloomy Monday morning in Austin: