Fear.

On the eve of my last night of pregnancy, I thought the only thing I would feel was excitement. And, don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not mourning the thought of not being pregnant again - that part, I'm ready to have come to an end! What I didn't expect to feel, though, is scared and nervous. Having had a cesarean the first time around, I thought I would be pretty chill about the prospect, and I have been until now. In fact, up until yesterday, when people asked me if I was nervous, I'd respond, "Only that I'll be pregnant forever!". But last night, in the middle of the night, I was up feeling extremely jittery about the surgery itself. 

Sure, I've been through it before. But that time, there was no time to sit and think about it for more than a couple hours while I was in extreme pain from my failed induction and anything sounded better. But now, knowing what to expect and having lots of time to think about it beforehand, I'm feeling really nervous. 

I feel like in my mind, the spinal wasn't bad at all the first time. BUT, that same mind had been in induced labor for 15 hours, so really, I was begging for it. Now that I'll be walking into the OR, what if it's awful?! And, also a major stress for me, I know some people have their catheter placed before the spinal so that they're all ready to go when they go into the OR - some doctors/anesthesiologists require it - and I find the idea of being cathed when I can feel it simply terrifying. I plan to go in begging for them to do it when I won't feel it - I mean what kind of masochist wouldn't agree to that?! - but I'm still nervous about it. And the actual surgery. Eh, not as worried about all that, since I didn't feel anything the first time around and the pressure wasn't even near what I had expected, but still - ugh. It's a bit frightening, right? And don't even get me started about the post-op pain once that first 24 hour morphine block wears off. 

BUT IT IS STILL BETTER THAN BEING PREGNANT ANOTHER DAY.

 Can I get a hallelujah!?

While we're being honest, though, I'm also nervous about bonding with the baby. With Ava, she had a name, she had a face in my mind, she fit into all my ideas about being a mother with a daughter. But this pregnancy has been rough, with me being so sick all the time, and I still have not come around to the idea of having a son the way I had wanted, so I'm nervous about the bonding. Please don't judge :(

So, with that, I sign off as a mother of one. We head to the hospital bright and early at 5:30 a.m., with baby boy (Um, yeah. He has no name still. I've had my brakes changed and my bills put on auto-draft, but haven't bothered naming the baby....oops.) scheduled to arrive around 7:30 a.m. I'm taking my laptop, so rest assured a post will be up with his details/picture/name (fingers crossed!) before too long :) As for his birth story, that one's already written: I walked into the ER, hopped onto the table, professed my love to my doctor for taking this baby out of me, and he was born. The end :)

Our Last Weekend as a Family of Three!

Lest you think the Pumpkin Patch was the only thing we did on our last weekend as a family of three, let me assure you we made the most of every minute!

Friday night I had agreed to work late and so off we went to Casis Carnival - a favorite annual event at the girls' Elementary School! It was super fun this year, and what a difference a year makes! Ava was now big enough to go on the rock wall - something she really wanted to do last year - as well as the bungee jumpers! The rock wall she wasn't sold on, and got down about halfway up, but still - she's 3, y'all! The bungees, however, were a huge hit - we're already talking about next year :)

They also had the kiddie train from last year, as well as face painting, which we were smart about and did first thing so we didn't have to wait in the hour long line that we were in last year! Last year she was a dog, this year, a cat! Next year, she's already decided she wants to be a cheetah - LOL!

And who could resist the big slide? Money well spent, I assure you!

Then, on Saturday, we went to a birthday party for one of A's friends at a roller skating rink, letting her try her hand for the first time with skates that weren't the over-the-shoe type and on the rink. While she started out a bit shaky (again, she's 3), she got the hang of it quickly and ROCKED IT! So proud of my brave girl!

Now, pardon me while I go finish out my last day of work before my maternity leave, which while short, is very, VERY welcome at this point. So exhausted! Unfortunately my cesarean had to be scheduled for Thursday instead of Wednesday, due to no openings in the OR (whomp, whomp), but after a 24 hour freak-out, I've come to terms with it. This time 48 hours from now, I'll have a son. WHAT?!

Pumpkin Patch: 2013!

Well, friends. Despite my hopes and dreams of an early baby, this Sunday rolled around, and it just so happened I was still pregnant and had four days to go. What's a crazy lady to do but to head out to the pumpkin patch?! I had meant to go the weekend before, but there was an almost unheard of downpour in Austin that closed most of them down and turned the rest into giant mud pits, so this weekend it was :)

We've gone to the Elgin Christmas Tree Farm Pumpkin Patch every single year since Ava was born (see here for cuteness from 2010, 2011 and 2012), so it seemed fitting that we make the pilgrimage again this year! It seems that they're gaining popularity in spite of the opening of other patches, and so each year it's gotten bigger and bigger and offered more - including face painting, rubber duck races, pony rides and more this year! Nothing makes my girl's day like a pony ride!

After that, we kept with the animal theme and visited the petting zoo, at least until some obnoxious men started yelling "Bacon!!" at the pig, teaching a life lesson we're not quite ready for....

After that, it was a trip around the Christmas tree farm on the hayride - something I wouldn't recommend for any woman about to have a baby four days later. OUCH. Then again, I'm pretty sure he's nice and stuck in there, since if anything was going to get him out, it seemed likely a hayride on uneven ground would do the trick!

The hayride takes you out to where there is a playground, face painters, and some pumpkin-themed games!

Once we hopped back on and rode back to the front, we did a little pumpkin picking, a little pumpkin painting, and it was time to go back home. Not before our annual stop at Meyer's BBQ, though - yum!

Happy Pumpkin picking, y'all!

GTFO.

I've been trying to not post a bunch of negative things about the end of pregnancy, but UGH. I'm just so miserable right now. And I mean it in the nicest way possible when I ask you all to spare me the blah blah I should just be grateful I can have a baby and not to take it for granted, blah blah. Sure, it is one of life's utmost blessings that I can bear children, but that IS NOT CHANGING THE REALITY OF HOW FREAKING HARD IT IS RIGHT NOW.

Anyways, I'm so miserable. Sitting is uncomfortable, and makes me feel like I can't breathe. Leaning back or laying on my back compresses a major artery and makes me feel like I'm suffocating. Standing makes my feet and legs swell, and the round ligament and gas pain from the weight of the baby compressing things are ridiculous. Not to be debbie downer, but OMG, I cannot possibly do this ten more days. I mean, no. NO. Get me a sharp knife and some decent antiseptic and I will gladly deliver this baby myself, ya know? I couldn't possibly be more miserable that way than I am this way. I have even wondered a few times lately if I have a bowel obstruction because of the pain in what I'm assuming is still my stomach, but I'm sure I don't, I just have get-this-baby-the-f-out-of-me syndrome. Ten days. TEN DAYS. Time couldn't possibly be going by slower.

FULL TERM!

Welcome to full term, little guy. Now, please, evacuate the premises ASAP! Or anytime after Friday afternoon, when my hair will be in a much more fantastic state than it currently is. I mean, wow :)

How far along: 37 weeks

Net weight gain/loss: 27 lbs. 

Maternity clothes: yes, but even those are getting snug.

Stretch marks: So itchy, but still none. Thank you Vitamin E & Aloe lotion and Bio Oil.

Belly button: the 8th wonder of the world.

Sleep: eh. I am exhausted all the time, but keep waking up starving and miserable and having to pee 7-10 times a night. WTH?! 

Baby movement: the lack of room does NOT appear to be slowing him down at all.

Gender: still a boy.

Food cravings: Blue Bell coconut fruit bars. I cannot get enough. I may give birth to a box of these at this rate....

Food aversions: meat. 

What I miss: so, so much. my waist. laying on my stomach. sleeping at night. feeling rested EVER. not feeling like this baby is shattering my pelvic bones...

Looking forward to: getting my hair done, and seeing The Book of Mormon Sunday night - one of the only musicals I've wanted to see and haven't had the chance to yet. 

Best moment this week: Finding out I've only gained 3/4 pound the past 3 weeks since my last appointment (my doc was out of town for what would have been my 36 week appt.) Also, not going into labor while he was gone! 

Milestones: baby is full term!

Ava Graduates From Sibling Class!

Ok, so that's making it sound like a whole big process that it was not. BUT, we did have a fun mommy-daughter date yesterday afternoon, starting with ice cream/sorbet at Amy's Ice Creams, and finishing up at Seton's sibling preparation class for big brothers/big sisters.

Ava has been really looking forward to the class, where you bring a stuffed animal or baby doll and learn about what newborns look like, need, and do, and what happens in the hospital. She also learned how to put a diaper on, swaddle the baby, and how to hold him safely! 

The class was great. The nurse was super fantastic with kiddos and really broke down the process of what would be happening during this important transition, tasking the children with telling adults to wash their hands before touching the baby and making them feel important and a part of the process. I would highly recommend anyone who is delivering at a hospital that offers this class to take their older sibling to it - involvement and knowledge about what is going to happen to their family really seems to be key to this process! 

Here are some pictures of Ava rocking being a big sister:

Now I just need to get my highlights redone this Friday, and see Book of Mormon Sunday, and this baby is welcome to make his debut!

Ava-isms.

Ava has so much personality, and lately, she's said some really awesome things. Here's just a smattering of them:

- Ava, when waking up: "Mommy, I love you more than my birthday. And more than Santa!" Those are some pretty powerful words, coming from a three-year-old who talks of nothing else other than her birthday and Christmas!

- Ava to my husband when he told her I was going to be gone for a few hours: "I hope she is putting on makeup. And getting a haircut!"  Ouch, A. Ouch.

- The other morning, Ava asked when we could go to Disney World. When asked where she heard about Disney World, she matter-of-factly stated, "Netflix." HA! What?!

- Ava: "Who built the whole world?"
Me: "God."
Ava: "Well, someone should tell him he did a bad job on this bumpy road!"

- Ava was dozing off driving home, so I quickly told her how much I loved her - I like it to be the last thing she hears.

Me: "I love you so much, A."
A: "I love you more-er."
Me: "I love you more than all the clouds in the sky..."
A: "Everything I see, I love you more-er than that."

- Ava just put her two Princess figurines in her shoes and called it their "house". Then, she voiced their opinions about it:

Snow White: "It smells AWFUL!"
Ariel: "OMGosh did something die?" 

HAHAHA

- A: "Can I have my Toy Story tattoo?"

Me: "No, honey, not today, because the baby shower is tomorrow and we don't want to wear it at the baby shower."
A: "But you wear your tattoo everyday?"

Uh oh.

- Me: "I love you, Ava."

A: "And I love this banana!"