Tuesday, March 16, 2010

She Has Daddy Issues.

So far, we've been having a great time just hanging out all day! Yesterday, perhaps due to the time change (???), Ava felt exceptionally lazy and stayed in bed until 11:20AM. What a little sleepyhead. Fortunately for me, I had some sleep to catch up on, so I napped next to her on and off while she slept in :)

After we finally got our lazy buns outta bed, we went to meet daddy at EZ's for a delicious meal. You may recognize EZ's from Friday Night Lights - it's the diner they're always hanging out in. And with good reason - it's amazing. Best onion rings and milkshakes around!

Afterwards, strangely enough, we found ourselves at the D's at the exact time we'd normally head there for work. Weird. We were just going to lock up since the housekeeper frequently forgets, and of course I took full advantage of the opportunity to nurse Ava so we could finish running our errands! We made some pit stops at Old Navy (I was shopping for me, but ended up buying things for Ava instead - isn't that how it always goes these days?), Target for some new baby toys and little sunglasses, and Michael's to finally get the letters for Ava's room.

This brings me to last night. Ava had a great day and slept pretty much ALL DAY LONG. She was so sleepy yesterday, that I assumed she was growing? Anyhow, when D got home last night, mommy decided to set out to get a pedicure, since I wanted a little pampering myself! Unfortunately I got there only to find that they closed earlier on weekdays, and ended up just turning around and heading back home. When I got here, Ava was screaming bloody murder. I could actually hear her when I was unlocking our door. I went running upstairs, convinced something was very wrong since she's never cried like that, only to find a very stressed out D bouncing and rocking her all over. Apparently, she'd been like that since I left. I took her, wondering if she was just wanting to eat again as she's been eating pretty frequently at night, and she immediately calmed wayyyyyy down. This has become a bit of a sore spot for us around here. Ava, for whatever reason, probably due to the fact that she's with me constantly and has only been left with D without me twice now, gives him a bit of a hard time. Don't get me wrong - she loves her daddy. She smiles at him and falls asleep in his lap all the time. BUT - she does tend to cry a lot more with him, and stares at me when he holds her, leading him to tell me last night, "She doesn't like me." And unfortunately, despite it not being the least bit true, he truly believes that.

Does anyone else have a baby that clings to mommy? Gives daddy a hard time? Vice versa? What do you do to discourage this? Do I just need to leave them alone more often?

While I find it flattering secretly, I want to discourage this seeming favoritism at all costs, since it, a.) hurts his feelings in a big way, and b.) makes for lonnnnnnng days for mommy when she wants me all the time!

Any advice? Suggestions?


  1. My G did this for a long time... it was tough for her to connect with daddy, especially when mommy was home all day every day! Just give Ava time, and make sure you give her time alone with just her daddy!

    Did I ever tell you I lived in Austin for 4 months during a college internship? Best 4 months ever! I like to imagine where you are in Austin when you write posts like these!

    Confessions From A Working Mom

  2. My husband used to say that Presley didn't like him. She always calms much quicker with me. I don't have any suggestions, as I need them myself. Just letting you know I'm going through the same thing.

  3. Marianne is 8 months old and has hit the "OMG I'm gonna perish right here if Mommy or Daddy leave for a SECOND!"

    So Mommy and Daddy have both been getting the clingy treatment, but it's noticeably worse with me. Joe doesn't seem to think Marianne likes him less, but she does cry more around him than she does me. I think it just has to do with the fact that babies can sense when a parent gets frustrated or scared.

    Joe had more alone time with her as a newborn than I did at first, because of my PPD. He knows how to handle her, but he's much more "guy" about it...he's willing to let her cry and be distressed, whereas I always cave and pick her up. He also gets rattled faster by her crying than I do, ironically enough, if it's the screaming kind of crying.

    If D's only been alone with her twice, he's probably freaking out a little when he's alone with her and especially if she cries and that makes her cry worse because she can pick up on the fact her caregiver is distressed.

    It took me a VERY long time to learn how to be calm around her...and even if I wasn't calm, how to radiate calm. There are times when even I start to lose my calm, and those times Marianne can pick up on it...when I'M stressed, the entire street hears about how much Marianne doesn't like it.

    Here's how to help some of that, based on my own experience with Joe.

    1. When you guys are home together, step back and let him take over the care...everything, even if it means letting him give her a bottle or two of breast milk. Resist the urge to do something for him because he's squeamish...he's a Daddy, and Daddies must be immune to diaper explosions too.

    2. Show him how Ava prefers things to be done if he's unsure of how to do anything, down from changing diapers the way she likes or what toy cheers her up the fastest. But if he wants to do things "his way" ... let him. It's HARD. Joe gets frustrated with me fastest because I always want to "correct" the way he does something or what he feeds Marianne...but you MUST let him learn what works for him. It's been very tough for me, and continues to be.

    3. Leave them home alone more often together...at first, make it as easy as you can, make sure she's fed and happy and relatively calm before you go. Even if all you do is go out and drive around the block a few times, it'll help both of them get used to each other.

    4. Have D pick something special only he does with Ava...a Daddy-daughter sort of thing, if it's a special song or game or something. Joe's thing is that he loves to tickle Marianne and blow on her belly...she always loves it best when Daddy does it, and she loves it when Daddy helps her "fly" from room to room.

    Good luck hun...this is tough, but it'll get better. IT takes time for someone to learn to be a parent...I've been at it 8 months now and I still learn something new everyday.


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